I was going to save this for Mothers day but i just can't, it needs to be shared. It showed up this morning on my Facebook page and it is fantabulous. Even with all the warnings that came with it about getting a tissue I ignored them all and I still read it whilst outside the girls school waiting for them to be dismissed. It was silly, very very silly. I looked like a right twit, blubbering away. If you are an AP heed my warning and get a tissue.



 Written by Kathy Lynn Harris ——————————————————————————————————————

Dear Moms of Adopted Children

Posted on May 7, 2013

First, a quick note: I wrote this piece after reading an essay written by Lea Grover in theHuffiington Post, titled “Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom.” The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an adopted child or not. Happy early Mother’s Day, everyone.

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Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,

I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.

It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.

Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.

Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.

Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.

I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.

I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.

I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.

Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.

I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.

And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.

And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.

I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.

I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.

And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.

I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.

I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.

I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.

I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.

I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.

I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?

I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.

I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.

But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

Planting seeds

No not those kinds of seeds. I want to plant a seed inside you head one that one day will hopefully grow and flourish so that you to will reach out to a child in this world, your child and make them part of a family.

November is National Adoption month.

I can't imagine where I would be today without adoption. Can you imagine my life void of my wonderful girls? Can you imagine their lives? That is the most awful part and one I truly don't dwell on because it is just to hard to comprehend. My girls would be without me, their mother. Unthinkable.

If you ever have any questions about adoption I am always willing to answer them. Won't you think about it for a moment?

WACAP was our agency for both girls and one that I stand behind 100%. You can find them here.

So Fl Asia Group Picnic

Jacob and I hosted a picnic for our group today. We love these get togethers but sadly our group has become really lame and it is basically the same 2 families that organise the get togethers. Once we get something organised everybody turns out but nobody wants the responsibility of doing the organising. It's a pain in the neck but seeing the kids have so much fun makes it worthwhile. When we joined this group Lily was 17 months old so these kids are her friends and they just love seeing each other.

The group is in constant flux. People join, people leave. Kids get bigger and parents pull away as they have so many obligations with teenagers that they can no longer commit any time to the group but this one little band of parents always remain and it is so wonderful to see them and their children. I remember when we started attending functions that it felt sort of weird cos we were the newbies, now we are the old timers who strive to keep things going along with Hollis.

Today even the weather was perfect. We arrived at the park nice and early and got everything set up and slowly and I mean slowly but surely families started to join us and before long there were probably 20+ families all gathered together. One thing we always make sure we do is pass around a donation box. The kids love marching around thrusting the box into peoples business and asking for donations for Half the Sky. My father would have been proud of them all.

If fun can be measured by the dirt on my children suffice to say I had to wash Lily's face 3 times in the bath tonight before it was clean! They were absolutely filthy.

Good friends

scootering fool
A few of the old timers
Lily finds a new friend and finds she is also a fellow swimmer....cool stuff.
We suddenly thought we should get a group shot but this was just a small part of the group.

Oh and we had a fabulous time as well. Jacob konked out a few minutes after we got home and he is still asleep. I would probably be asleep but someone bought the most amazing chocolate cookies that I have eaten and I ate my weight in them so I am a little hyper :O)

National Adoption Month.

November is National Adoption Month. A month to celebrate adoption, a month to bring awareness to all the children in the world that have nobody they can call Mummy and Daddy.

In honour of National Adoption Month I have decided to list a few adoptive family Do's and Don'ts.

• When someone tells you they are adopting don't assume they cannot conceive. Adoption is not a second choice.
• Don't tell someone that is adopting that they will probably get pregnant after the adoption because (a) it's none of your damned business (b) maybe they wouldn't like to, you probably have no idea what goes on in their private life and (c) if a couple has struggled with infertility they just don't need to hear this AGAIN from you, an insensitive baboon.
• Don't ask a person that is adopting if "they can have their own children. Again, it's none and I mean NONE of your damned business and most importantly these are our own children.
• When an adoptive family tells you that their child is from another country Don't start spouting off all the reasons why there are so many children available for adoption in the country they have chosen unless you are 100% positive that your facts are correct.
• This is one of my favourites! Don't tell us how to bond with our newly adopted children. We have been schooled in this by trained professionals. Our children, even though they might look just like yours, have been through hell. They Do need the special boundaries and restrictions we impose upon them. They Do need us to implement all the "silly rules" that you just don't understand.
• Don't ask me if my kids like rice, just because they are Chinese. That is akin to me asking you if you like sex since you dress like a hooker! Pretty rude wouldn't you say?
• Don't even waste you breathe telling a person in the process of an adoption that , your third cousin once removed, adopted a child and then continue on with some nightmarish tale that is probably as full of sh*t as you are. We know the risks of adoption but we also know the joys. And the latter far out weigh the crap that you are about to spew.
• If you are standing behind me in the grocery store and notice that my children are Asian please Don't tap me on the shoulder and ask in either your loudest voice or the equivalent of your stage whisper, "if they are adopted?" because again, it's none of your damned business. I have NEVER asked someone if their children were biological, to me, the idea of asking that is preposterous.
• DON'T ask me if my girls are REAL sisters. They have the same parents therefore they are REAL sisters. 'nuff said.
• If you are interested in adopting a child Do make that clear when you approach me and start your rapid fire questions. If you are wanting information I can help you but if I think you are just being rude and nosey you will receive a snippy little retort to your questions.
• Another biggy here: DON'T ask me if we know who their real parents are? I will willingly slap you upside the head for this one. We ARE their real parents. If you want to know about their biological parents use that term. When I remind you of the correct term DON'T say, Oh you know what I mean. Another slap upside your fat head for that comment.
• Are you learning something here?
• No, I don't have PMS, I just get tired of our lives being your business.
• DO explain to me what exactly you mean when you ask, "are you going to teach them their real language? I always thought English was a real language. Any other languages they speak is again, none of your damned business
• DON'T tell me that our girls are so lucky. Lucky? They were given up by their birthparents for reasons that we can only imagine. They spent the 1st years of their lives in an orphanage, in some cases with little food and warmth. They had no one to hold them when they were sick, or hurting and they had no one to love them and no one to teach them how to love, no one to kiss them and wipe away their tears and you call that lucky? We are the lucky ones and please Don't forget it.
• When I tell you that my daughter, who is waiting for me in China, and is 8 months old, DON'T ask me if she speaks English or only Chinese. Think!.......... Infants don't talk.
• Hubby has been adding his peeves to this list also so it's getting pretty long. No we are not bitter just tired of STUPID.
• DON'T introduce us as, Dawn, Jacob and their adopted children. Well you can, I suppose, if you want me to introduce your family as, Jack, Jenny and their STUPID parents. We are a family and it is nobodies business how we became one.
• DON'T ever ask me how much they cost particularly if my husband, their father, is with me cos he will kick the sh*t out of you. Before you think that no one would ever be that rude, think again, It's happened, sadly more than once.
• Do treat my children the same as everyone elses.
• Do recognise adoption as what it is, a wonderful way to build a forever family.
• After reading this I DO hope that you will think before opening your mouth especially if you value your teeth.
• Thank you and good night. xoxoxoxox

Sometimes

Last night as I was heading to bed I stopped, as I always do, to give the girls one last kiss. I went to Lily first and layed next to her on the bed and stroked her face and kissed her cheek and I as I looked at her beautiful face I was suddenly hit by a wave of sadness as I thought about the first 14 months of her life. (this is not the first time of course) Who held my baby and looked at her with the love of a mother and admired every single inch of her being? Probably nobody.

As I thought more and more about her bleak and meager beginnings the burning hot tears started to roll across my face and onto her pillow. How can it be that my daughter lived in an orphanage for 14 months? This was just a few years ago and she lived in an orphanage with no parents and no one and nothing to call her own. Sometimes I allow these thoughts into my head, but only sometimes as they are so painful.

How can I have had no part of my own daughters life for 14 months? I would do anything to change that. How will it feel to be her when she gets just a tiny bit older to have to hear the words, I don't know, over and over again and realise the gravity of those words. I know it won't be easy for her when she starts to understand her past. I can only hope that we can make it as painless as possible, if there is such a thing.

I was recently told by a family member that all children are the same and that they only need 3 things, food, love and warmth and that you cannot change the past. I agree with this but only to a point however I didn't argue my case with this person and I won't as I know that even after all this time they don't get it. I once thought they did. Our children have a past, a history and we cannot change it, we have to deal with it. We no longer live in an age where we have to sweep it under the rug because it is OK now to have feelings emotions.

I am my daughters Mother but somewhere in China they have birthparents who were forced or quite possibly, chose to, abandon them and that is a reality that we have to deal with. I cannot imagine what that feels like. I cannot imagine what Lily and Rose are going to go through when they can understand the intensity of that statement. We won't pretend it isn't the case as that would be like pretending that they are not adopted.

Sometimes the reality of being an adopted parent brings me to tears, sometimes they are happy tears and sometimes they are not.

Adoption Blogger Day (Long)

Today the Joint Council on International Childrens' Services called today, "We Are The Truth Adoption Blogger Day". What exactly does that mean and why am I participating in it? Well, unless you have been living under a rock or in a tent on a desert island you have heard all about this little boy and the sad situation that he has had imposed upon him by his mother. I refuse to call her his adoptive Mother as she is his Mother. The Joint Council wants to help spread the word that adoption is not a scary thing and not something to be afraid of. ( abusive and neglectful parents are fodder for another day!) So this brings us to the second part of the question, why am I participating in the blog day, that is simple. I am an adoptive parent I have 2 fabulous girls who totally rock my world, my hubby's also. In addition to this the adoption agency that this woman used to bring her son into her life is our agency and I stand behind them 100%.

I am sure that somewhere buried in the archives of this blog is a post that is pretty much the same as this one as I know I have told this story before.

When we entered the point in our lives where we knew adoption was right for us we carefully and I mean, oh so very carefully, selected an agency. I am the type of person that researches dishwashers so you can imagine the scrutiny that I put perspective adoption agencies under. The list was narrowed down fast, really fast. Three were left standing, out of about 50. It took me months to do this. Being a Brit I even went internationally to check out agencies over there. Finally WACAP stood at the top of the pile. They were out of state but this was a non issue. When we called in a social worker, (read after months of scrutiny and interviews) she groaned when she found out what agency we were using because they required so much more paperwork that all the others. This is why we choose them, they are thorough, very very thorough. I am obsessive and I need someone as diligent as I.

Oh the paperwork, the questions, the forms, the trips to the doctor, the notary, the bank not to mention the immigration headaches! Now it was our turn to be scrutinized. WACAP wanted to be certain we knew what we were getting into. Of course we did! Did we realise this and that about institutionalized children? ehh, yes sort of. Sort of? Sort of wasn't good enough they needed us read this, read that, talk to this person and that person, and finally fill out a bazillion forms. Finally we were in the program and our dossier was logged in.

We read about bonding and attachment, read about orphanages, read about developmental delays, read just about anything we could get our hands on. Who am I kidding? I read and told Hubby! We waited forever, or so it seemed at the time, along with our families, for our perfect, and healthy little girl and on July 3rd 2003 we finally saw her face. For us it was love at first sight. All our fears melted away and we had the most beautiful daughter in the whole wide world. (we still feel this way)

We were finally able to hold her in our arms on August 26th 2003. She was scared, terrified in fact. We were giddy, in love in fact. For the first time in years our world was the right side up and hers was upside down. Our dream come true was her biggest nightmare. Her cries as she realised her Nanny was leaving were heart breaking. I realised what was happening but for that moment I was only holding my daughter, taking her in, smelling her sweetness, and kissing her for the first time. I knew she was in pain but for that one tiny little second I was selfish. I "came to" quickly and her needs came first. Skin to skin contact, lots of time in our arms, eye contact all the stuff we had been told by our agency. Her needs were our first priority and nothing was going to ever come between us and what she needed. Of all the things I had read the conference call with WACAP's social worker was the most helpful information I had found/received for the first few days. It was priceless.

Her first night she slept like a champ, in the morning we got the face, the one that says," Oh no, you fruitcakes are still here? This wasn't all a bad dream?" and she cried again. Outwardly she was fine but she was protecting herself and was starting to close down emotionally. No one was home, just this little baby girl in a shell of a body. after a few days she started to rally round. We never put her in a stroller to begin with we always held her. She started to giggle and grin and then she started to babble.

The night we got home with her it was really late and she was asleep in her carseat. We carried her and the carseat into the house and propped her against the couch. When she woke up she hopped out of her seat and literally took off running. She ran from room to room, laughing and smiling. It was the most peculiar thing, it was as if she could tell she was finally home. The next 6 weeks we spent under self imposed house arrest. No big trips, just the store for necessities, no outings and if people wanted to meet her they had to come to us. That way they would leave us and Lily would get used to the idea of people coming and going but she never left, she always remained in the same place with us. The other golden rule that we refused to break was "nobody gets to touch or hold or feed the baby...NOBODY". That upset a few people but we had to make her learn that we were the ones who were there for her, we would comfort her and give her what she needed. She had to learn to trust us for everything she wanted.

It all paid off. Lily is a Rockstar. She is 7 now, almost 8. She is smart, funny, outgoing and an absolute daredevil. A fabulous big sister and the best daughter a mother could have. Her daddy will tell you the same if you ask him!

It wasn't long before we started the process all over again. This time we found Rosie as opposed to her finding us. Due to Rosie having a heart defect she was on our agencies waiting child list, or SN ( special needs) list. This time we really had to jump through some hoops with WACAP. Make a resource plan, visit a trillion experts in the medical field that pertains to your childs SN, convince us to 100th degree that you are capable of this and that you ARE the right family for this baby girl. They were on our side and they were fabulous. Before we knew it, well not quite before we knew it cos we counted down every single day and Lily was about to explode with anticipation at the thought of meeting her mei mei we were on that long plane ride again, heading back to China to fill the hole in our hearts that only this baby girl could fill.

Oh that moment all over again. The tears, this time the tears were 1.000 times worse. Rosie was in a Half The Sky orphanage and she truly didn't want to leave it. She cried so much our group referred to her as the screamer in the group. She was truly devastated. It didn't matter what we tried she wasn't going to stop at least not for a few hours. We followed the protocol that we used with her sissy. It took longer but it worked. Lily was her fast friend and I came in second. Daddy was not very welcome but he was fine after the initial shock of leaving my arms. As the days passed she came around, in her own time of course. She was fragile and not because of her heart. Her personality was fragile. Big tears could flood those tiny eyes at any given second. Oh my aching heart it was so sad. The big sister was a champ with her and Mummy and Daddy followed Rosies cues. My cousin accompanied us on this trip and she stayed at arms length. Rosie did not respond to any noise for 2 days. She started to convince all of us, even our guide, that she was deaf. No worries we can deal with it. Whatever it is she is ours and we will love her no matter what. Her chest was slightly deformed and we were not sure if this was due to her heart or not but it made no difference to us, other than if it was caused by her heart then her condition was going to be ALOT more serious than her medical records presented but again...it is what it is.

Once we finally made it home her special needs became quite obvious. A very mild heart condition and a big case of attachment issues. Our poor baby girl was hurting. Her emotional heart was hurting and there was no surgery in the world that could fix that. About 2 weeks after we got home Rosie still wasn't sleeping and it was not just the jet lag, we were missing something. Something was wrong with our little one and she was not a happy little girl. Sure she smiled but she was not able to relax. We were all sleep deprived and I don't know about you but I do not do my best thinking on 45 minutes of sleep a night. crazy I know. I thought about ringing Barb. our SW but decided that WACAP was the place to turn. I rang them chatted for a few minutes with Mary Ann and that night Rosie slept for 14 hours straight. They knew what to do, what to try and they were correct. I blogged about it but I am not about to search the archives looking for it but it was March 08. Lots of time and love and stability later and we have put many of her demons to rest. Some still show up and we fight them together. Yes, Rosie was a special needs child but it wasn't her medical needs that have caused her so many tears but her emotional needs.

Rosie is 3 now and taking the world by the horns. Her heart is condition was fixed by a fabulous team of doctors and her broken heart is still healing. We still have some rules in place regarding who gets to be close to Rosie and we follow her lead and she lets in who she can. Most people don't see what we see, the scared, anxious side of her, she saves the best for us. She learnt very quickly to turn to us for comfort and for that we are so very thankful.

The problem with having children is that from the second you become a parent your heart magically moves to the outside of your body and you watch it move around and get hurt before your very eyes in the form of your children and it hurts so darned much.

It truly saddened me yesterday when I realised that I was going to have to say something to Lily about this little boy and his plight because I was worried that one of the kids in school might say something to her because they all know she is adopted. We had been making sure we kept her away from this story as we didn't want to scare her or worry her as it is our job to protect her but as I thought about it, it would be scarier to hear about it from school or have some dingbat make a nasty comment about her being sent back than hearing it from us. All the talk about families are forever blah blah blah and now I am explaining how this woman decided hers was not forever and put the kid on a plane. Thankfully Miss Smarty pants got it and realises she is not going anywhere as this family truly is forever.

Ours was a typical adoption story but now it is just a typical, "and they all lived happily ever after" story. When I am asked if the girls are adopted I say, "No they are not, they were. Now they are just Lily and Rosie."

Will there ever come a day when I don't have to explain my family to someone....oh gosh I really hope so. Will I ever stop advocating adoption...not a chance!

I have such a beautiful family and you can too, just open up your heart.

How Should I Put This?

This is probably going to be a post that you will not agree with, that is fine. It is not fine however for you to flame me in the comments section as this is my blog.

Both of my daughters are adopted, (there's a newsflash, huh) and as a consequence of this they both have biological parents. Without these parents/people, I would not have my girls. I cannot imagine this as they are my heartbeat, they give me life but they are MY girls. I don't see them as adopted they are mine. I just don't think of their bio-parents much. I know that sounds really callous and I don't mean for it to be but that is how it is.

Occasionally Lily will mention something about hers and we discuss it but that is the extent of it. I never close down the conversation because we are very open about it and them and if one day there is ever a chance that she can find them and meet them I will be right there by her side holding her hand and encouraging her, if that is what she wants. This is not how I feel about their heritage and their culture or the fact that they are adopted because we celebrate all of those things this is simply how I view birthparents.

Sadly we know nothing of the situation that led to either of my daughters being put up for adoption and if you follow Bria*n Stuy*s ResearchChina Blog you may have read his articles on birthmothers and how they "deal" with the issue of giving children up for adoption. I used to paint a really pretty picture for Lily and Rose about their birth parents but now I have toned it down somewhat. They know they were loved but it is no longer all sweet and gushy.....that part of the story is not mine to tell. I cannot pretend there are 2 woman in China who are grieving for them as this may not be the case and I can not lie to them.

I am their Mother, I kiss them each night, I wipe their tears and hold them when they are scared, I scold them when they are naughty, laugh with them when they are silly, and play with them. I bath them when they are dirty, feed them when they are hungry and comfort them when they need it. I am the one who they turn to for advice and praise. I am not the biology that made them but I am the love that sustains them.

I will always be grateful for the DNA that made my girls but they are just that, MY girls.

A Really Wonderful Day.

Yesterday......yes I am doing it again, talking about stuff from 24 hours ago, we had one of the most fun days we have had in a while. In honour of National Adoption Day our group always has a get together and this year was no exception but it was a skating party and since Rosie Posie is just a bit to little to skate and our friend Hollis is under strict instructions from her doctor to stay off of ice skates, at least for now, we decided to have a miniature group picnic with just our 2 families to honour this auspicious day.

We choose a lovely park and packed up enough food and drinks to sink a battle ship and loaded the cars with bicycles, balls and other fun things and headed off for a day of outdoor fun. The weather was great and we just had loads of fun. The kids did what kids do and played their little hearts out. The only downer of the day was the manic park attendant who for what ever reason kept an extremely beady eye on our group and kept reminding us that there was no alcohol allowed in the park, we didn't have any, he needed to know if we were part of a group, we were not, no smoking, we were not on fire, the kids were not allowed to do this or that...basically he was a pain in the arse but he probably had nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon so we tried really hard to ignore him. Jacob was getting pushed to his limit by him but I am a peace maker so I unruffled him cos my hubby isn't very tactful.

Here are some pictures that will tell the story of the fun that was had.

Lunch
Feeding the birds






Playing in the park

chilling in the park



Good thing mister park man didn't catch this! And what is with the face Jakey?

Rosie's favourite

And we did some bike riding.


We also played ball for a while but somewhere along the line the camera got forgotten but the memory of yesterday will not because again it is just a testimony to the wonderful friendship that we have built through adoption. Hollis, I don't know if you read this blog or not but if you do we want you to know how very much you and your family means to us and how much we love you all. It was a spectacular day and my girls were both fast asleep shortly after 7.30 even though they both swore they were not tired and both begged to go back to your house as we left the park. This park was only 15 minutes from our house and 50 minutes from yours! Rosie asks for you and Grandma Grace at least once a week and you know she doesn't ask for anyone.

National Adoption Awareness Day

Growing up the word adoption was something that was written on 2 birth certificates in my home and something that I just knew I wasn't supposed to ask questions about. Strange huh? My cousin Stephen is the one who finally pieced the pieces together for me and then when my parents, thought I was old enough, they told me the whole story. It made no difference to me at all and that is the truth. I didn't flinch. I had a brother whom I loved and a sister whom I loved a mother whom I loved and a father whom I thought hung the moon and the stars each night only for me. Still feel this way about them all. My brother and I are closer than we have ever been, my sister and I are friendlier than we have ever been but that is cos they are older than I am and for the longest time I was just the annoying little sister.

Adoption meant family. Now as an adult it still means that to me and a whole lot more. It means being able to have a family not just belonging to one. There is a huge difference in those 2 statements and without adoption I would not have been able to have a family of my own. To hear someone refer to me as their mummy sends chills down my spine. It brings tears to my eyes and makes the hairs on my arms stand up. I have a brood of my own and this came to because of that word on a birth certificate that puzzled me for so long. It came to be the way part of my family came to be. The way my brother in laws family came to be, the same way my cousins wife's family came to be.

We celebrate adoption and all that is means. We form and join groups just for people like us and we have the nerve to exclude families that haven't adopted. We are proud to use words like birth mother and biological parents but most of all we celebrate adoption for what it has given to us, the love of a family, nuclear and extended.

The Adoption Track

Our life has changed a lot in the past 6 years. We were on one track and then without warning we detoured off of that track and on to the one we were supposed to be on. It is so much nicer here, the scenery is better, the air smells sweeter and the people we surround ourselves with now are on this track too, well for the most part they are. Sometimes we still see some of the people from the old track, the ones who stayed on that course and never detoured but it is rare.

Something happens when you adopt. It is subtle at first and creeps into your life without you really being aware that it is happening but as time passes you become aware that some people "get" what you are going through and others don't. There is a prejudice towards adoption, some people still talk about it in hushed tones, similar to the way I am sure Queen Victoria probably talked about sex. If you have biological children and choose to adopt then you are considered a saint because you are saving the life of a child and if you don't have biological children and you choose to adopt then you are considered one of those poor souls who, couldn't have any of their own. Phooey to this. We all adopt for different reason. All of our reasons are personal and not really open for discussion but the general public has formed it's opinion and they know best. The adoption community "get's it" we don't have to defend ourselves when we are together. If anyone asks a question it is merely to compare adoption notes and never because they are being nosey. Our defenses never have to be up when we are together. The need to protect my children never crosses my mind because I know when I am in the company of another adoptive parent they would throw themselves in front of the bus if a question was asked just as quickly as I would for them. So you find yourself surrounded by other adoptive families. It happens, it isn't something you plan but your friends change.

Each year when Lily enters a new school year I ask her if she wants her teacher to know her story and how much of it she wants her to know. I let her guide me as I write the letter to her teacher telling her about Lily's past. I do this so that the teacher will be better equipped to handle some of the questions that may arise from some of Lily's classmates and just so she knows a little bit more about Lily and our family. This year she wanted her to know that it was OK for the kids to ask questions about why she looks different from us, she wanted her to know that we are a forever family but that she has a birth family in China. She basically told her teacher what terms and phrases were acceptable to her. I was really very proud of her. Her teachers have always been very appreciative of the extra information and as far as I know the information has been dormant.

Today as I was waiting to pick Lily up I was talking to parents that I always talk to and have done so everyday since Lily started school and one of them asked a question about Lily's adoption. I blindsided me a little as it was rather personal and I was also holding Rosie who just happens to be a human rather than an alien child even though she is adopted. I managed to fend off the question but it was all that was needed apparently to open the season for nosey questions regarding the girls start in life. The parents quipped and joked about things as if they were being cool cos they were being open about adoption and talking to a real life adopted kid and her mother. I just shook my head. Both of these parents are intelligent people and for the life of me I cannot imagine what they were thinking. I answered a few questions and then made it perfectly clear that enough was enough. I would talk with them if they had a legitimate reason for their questions but not if all they wanted to do was squirrel out as much information as possible just so that they knew it. I wondered how many other people outside the gate sit and talk about us and our family and what they tell their kids about us?

I know I cannot protect Lily and Rose forever from these type of questions and from these odd remarks but sometimes I get really tired of being a high profile family because that is not how we see ourselves. To us we are just another family, just like yours and yours. A mum and dad with a couple of kids trying to live their lives and doing what makes us happy.

We are just the average family. So we don't look like the conventional family that you learned about in school but that doesn't mean that we are not one. Adoption is quite simply just another way to build a family. The key word in that sentence is family.

I like the new track better and definitely prefer the people on it. I don't have to protect my heart when I'm around them and lets face it who really likes keeping their heart in body armour, not me and that's a fact. I think I will take out a bank loan and start a village for adoptive families, other people can come and live there too but not until there lives have been thoroughly scrutinized by the board members of the new track!

Halloween FCC Gatecrashing Fun.

Today was the day for us to gatecrash our annual FCC Halloween bash again. Notice how brazen I've become I actually call it "our" Halloween Bash. Lori actually handed hubby a business card with all the FCC details on it and made some quip about us joining. Ha ha ha, she knows us better than that. Once we move closer to their 'headquarters" it will be a given but the 50 minute drive just ain't happening for this family of slackers.

Lily decided she wanted to dress as a witch this year which is such a complete change from all of her other very sweet little girl costumes of years past. Sigh, she really is getting big. Until now things like witches scared the pants off of her. Rosie who doesn't have a clue what this day is all about was dressed as a cat and loved it. I painted both of their faces but Rosie wasn't looking so hot by the time we got there as she napped in the car for 10 minutes and sucked her thumb so her little face was rearranged to say the very least. You would have thought I would have taken photos before we left but noooo, of course not. We were so impressed that we were actually ready to leave the house on time that it slipped my mind but have no fear we have at least 5 more Halloween parties to attend so we have plenty of time!

Lily the witch



My little cat face. If you are wondering why this photo is far superior to all the others it's because it was taken by Grace who takes the most amazing photos, and she emailed it to me.



Sort of a group shot.


The DD and Lily. Rosie was meant to be i here to but somehow all I got was her arm...great mother I am. LOL
.

A great time was had by all. The kidlets consumes massive amounts of candy. I don't think Rosie has ever had quite so much and she literally chattered non stop the whole way home and then continued and also skipped and jumped and bounced around for hours until at 7pm she crashed like a lead balloon.

All candy has been hidden and will be rationed, very very strictly cos I never want to see Rosie quite this batty ever again. I let the girls eat sweets but apparently not he kind or the amount they consumed today. They made me look calm and that is quite a feat.

I just have to add how wonderful it was to see Marc and Lori back on the social circuit just days after Marc's heart surgery. She looks very relieved and he looks wonderful. Amazing, just amazing.

Is It Lily Or Rose?

One of our daughters adopted from China was considered a specials needs child. It wasn't scary because she was our child. It wasn't frightening because she was our child. Not all of the children that are placed on the SN adoption lists in China have special needs that are intimidating. Intimidating is subjective.
So many babies need homes and all of these children can change a life, your life. Can't you give them a chance to make you a happier person.
Jacob and I are always ready to answer questions about adoption and to guide you to the right agencies so if we can help you please ask us.

Our Little Girl Is Hurting, All Over Again.

I still cannot believe that something as mundane as Lily starting school again has upset Rosie as much as it has. Lily has been attending school since Rosie came home so it isn't as if this is a new development in her life but it is one that has truly unnerved our baby girl and bought all her abandonment issues front and centre once again. She is hurting.

For the first couple of days we thought she just missed her sister, plain and simple but it is more than that. She feels as if Lily is gone. And even though Lily comes back every single day it isn't helping her. Now when one of us leaves the house Rosie asks the same question, "you come back see me again?". This isn't a normal question. She isn't sleeping properly and she won't allow Lily to get close to her physically even though that is what she craves more than anything.

So we are back to attachment and bonding boot camp around here. I am just so thankful that we know what is going on and that we have friends that understand this process and what our baby girl and us are going through because not even our family understands completely.

Rosie will be fine. Lily is being an angel and understands just as much as she can for a 7 year old what is going on with her sister and is showing her the patience of a saint. This morning Rosie wouldn't kiss her goodbye and as I drove away from the school in the car Rosie screamed, "I want mine big Lily." Urghhhhh....make up your mind, oh that's right, you just can't right now! Lily now has cues and when she hears them she has to say certain things to Rosie.

These issues can come and go they don't just magically resolve themselves. They do get better and one day we hope they won't be a problem. Now that Rosie can talk we are fortunate because she tells us what is bothering her and that is how we know this is an attachment issue and not just a case of missing Lily. Oh how I wish I knew everything that had happened to these daughters of mine in the time that they lived in China. I wish for that all the time but I will never have the answer to that so I have to keep on treading water and filling in the blanks the best I can.

It will be OK baby girl, we have walked this slippery slope with you before and we will walk it for many, many more years that much we know. We will never ever falter because you are our daughter and our sister and we love you and we are a family and families, my sweet little girl, are forever.

Just remember life is a dance.

Outraged

I am sad, actually I am beyond sad. My heart is breaking for a family that I have never met. The Scruggs Family ( Click on the family name to link to their site) went to China and officially adopted their little girl Harper on June 4th and were told on june 5th that she had tested positeve for an active case of T.B. but had been treated and was now testing negative and had been doing so for 3 months. When they went to the obligatory medical exam for adoptive children in China she once again tested posiitve. The T.B. test is a new test that was implemented 30 days ago. The CDC (Center For Disease Control) working hand in hand with United States Immigration will not allow an adopted child to fly into this country with an active case of T.B. and will not allow the parents to mask Harper for the flight! The bottom line is this. Harper is now their daughter and has to stay in China for 42 more days until she can be re tested following a regimen of medications. Her parents cannot afford to stay with her for 42 more days and honestly who could? They have another child and both have to work so Harper is being forced to stay with a family that the Scruggs have found that are loving and kind and are willing to help them out. Do you have any idea of the ramifications this will have on her. Does the CDC even care. No, of course they don't.

The Scruggs are asking that you sign this petition

Click Here And so am I.
They are also asking that you call your senators and representatives and you can do that by clicking here and here

I have also emailed every local television station and newspaper everyday and each day I flood my facebook page with their story and I won't quit. Thankfully they are starting to get some coverage.

This is their Youtube Video of when Jay had to say good bye to his little girl....you will need tissues.
part one


Part two



What the hell is the matter with this country that it can treat adopted children differently than biological children? I am not a U.S. citizen and after the noise and fuss I am making about this I probably won't be invited to be one anytime soon.

Ask And Thou Shalt Receive.......sometimes.

Last Saturday we went to the airport to welcome home yet another family that came into fruition through this awesome little thing called adoption. I have lots of piccies but I failed to ask if it was OK to post them so I haven't done so. Anyhoo, we met up with lots of old friends there and one of them asked Lily to ask me to post more riding photos of her on the blog. So Miss Tammie, here you are:
Disclaimer: this is Miami and these are Pasa Fino's so some of the lesson is in Espanol.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I love our new imac for photos it is so much fun. I can do so much with the pictures so easily however my old faithful dropshots and imac do not like each other so the videos are still a pain. I used one true media today for the first and last time, it is really grainy. Any MAC users out there with any ideas. Blogger videos take way to long and are tiny so me no likey.





Lily turns 7 in a couple of weeks and as I was putting her to bed we were all snuggled up and I told her I just wasn't ready for her to get so big yet. She responded by telling me she wasn't ready to get big yet as she doesn't want to waste her life but just wants to use it in emergencies. I asked her what she meant and this was her reply. "well, I just want to keep on being a kid and having fun and being silly so I just want to be 6 but if I make you mad then that is an emergency and then I will be 7 so that I won't be a kid anymore and I can get out of trouble really quick. Sounds to me like she is already grown up cos that is a rather clever idea.

Special Needs Versus Non Special Needs. Updated

That is it, I am at the end of my rope with the nasty fricken comments. This will be a rant. It probably won't be very polite so if you are easily offended I strongly recommend you stop reading right now.

When we chose to start a family through adoption we decided with our first child to choose a healthy baby girl. We were naive. We wanted the world and we went for it. Thankfully after a very long wait we were handed the world. Lily is a perfectly healthy child and has filled our lives with joy beyond our wildest dreams. She is everything to us.

When we jumped back on to the adoption rollercoaster a few years later we consider a special needs child right from the inception of our journey. We knew that many of the defects, diseases and disorders that China considers SN are truly nothing to be overly concerned about. At the beginning of the journey we spoke to our agency about this but we didn't do a live broadcast as we felt it was something that was our business and not public fodder.

As the wait grew longer and longer we perused the lists and finally we found our daughter. Yes, she was our daughter. It took us a long time. At one point we gave up as we felt she wasn't there and we were supposed to wait for her to be matched with us. But on that fateful day we found her, we saw her face and we knew. I cannot explain to you how we knew other than by saying she evoked the exact same feelings deep within us that her sister had done 5 years earlier. Rosie was right there staring back at us. She was ours.

At that point I would easily get 30-40 comments daily on my blog but once we announced that we had a daughter (12 months ahead of the queue) my comments dropped to 5 or 6. We were sent one or 2 emails about how we had jumped the line.  We were shell shocked. WTF? This little girl with her heart condition who was sitting all this time in an orphanage in China with nobody to love her had finally found her family and all these people could think of was that we had beaten them to the finish line. Give me a break you selfish jerks.

Today, over 12 months later, we received yet another accusatory email from someone in our original group stating how they were one of only 3 families who had stayed the course and bought home "their" babies home at the right time.

Does it really matter when we travel? I know the wait is endless and the ride is bumpy but in the end our children come home to loving families and that should be the focus of the journey not whether someone with a LID later that yours gets to go first. We found our little girl and somehow were supposed to walk away from her because some people felt it wasn't our time. When you have your child in your arms I hope with all my heart that you will understand how shallow you were being.

Grow up and put love in your heart and not jealousy because if that is what you are going to teach your children then quite honestly you do not deserve to parent a child.

Rant over. Fa la la la la

Update...I wrote this earlier when I was really ticked off and have since calmed down a little. I am still fed up with the nasty comments. Jacob is really annoyed about them and heaven help anyone that make one directly to him.  Rose was meant for us, and us for her, end of story, full stop. I am turning off the comments. I don't want to hear anymore about this, I am fried.