celebrating my children

Mothers Day started late for us as both children slept until nearly 8am, this is unheard of. They crept  thundered downstairs and made me breakfast that they then served to me in bed. It was so, so sweet. After we had devoured our food and filled the bed with crumbs we got ready for a little fun. We packed a picnic lunch and headed to John Pennekamp State Park in Key Largo.

We spent the day kayaking and having fun on the beach. I can say without hesitation that it was the best Mothers Day ever. We got thoroughly lost in our Kayak even though Lily swears she knew where to go. I will however give her credit for having a better sense of direction than me but she wasn't exactly correct. I handed my oars over to Rosie and let her have a paddle, that in itself was priceless. She and Lily have no concept of paddling in any kind of rhythm so we just sort of shifted positions in the water.

Following our boating for the day we ate lunch and spent the afternoon on the beach. The girls were in awe of the tropical fish and were trying so hard to catch them with their hands. No fish were harmed! I do believe that if fish could laugh they would have been hysterical at the lame efforts of Lily and Rose.

The car journey home was a peaceful one as 2 very tired girls make very little chatter.

We ate our favourite Chinese dinner and loathingly called it a night.

My view, the back of 2 heads. 

paddling fools

I just love that they will try anything.

Big girls

Checking for fishes

Child looks like a dog swimming but actually this was how she fished. Not surprising that she didn't catch anything is it?

Lily takes a calmer approach to fishing

Ice cream and the beach go hand in hand

I just love driftwood.

Now, if you promise to keep a straight face I will share my Mothers day card from Ro.

It's a little out of focus but the part you need to focus on is: Mom's favourite place to go is? Walmart. Walmart. WTH? I am a Target shopper and I don't think I have ever ever been inside a Walmart with Rosie in her life. Even in China we didn't have Walmart it was Carrefour. Lily and I laughed so hard When I put her to bed last night she said, Happy Mothers day Mummy and I am sorry about the Walmart. It's fine little bit, it's just fine, everything else is spot on.

BUT seriously WALMART? You'd have to have been to one in Miami to understand why I find them so so nasty.

Lily made me an origami card, well 2 actually and they pop up and I love them.

Thank you for the best Mothers Day ever.

P.S. if you are visiting the  Florida Keys don't miss Pennekamp there is so much to do and see there and it is a really short drive from Miami.

best mothers day ever.....again

Dear little girlies of mine.

Thank you from deep inside my heart for calling me mummy. Thank you for making my heart whole and for giving my life purpose. I thought I knew what it was to live life but I knew what it was to go through the motions of living. Now I LIVE life and revel in each moment. I savour the small things and celebrate our victories. I can't wait until tomorrow because I know it holds an adventure just waiting to be seized.

I laugh loudly and cry freely. The day I met Lily my heart moved to the outside of my body where it has remained, in  an extremely vulnerable state, only to become even more vulnerable with the arrival of you, Rosie, a few years later. Things that I once would have shrugged off now touch me deeply.

I just read an article written by a mum who just lost her 5 yr old son and she called herself a helicopter parent, she was proud to be one. After reading her sad sad story all I can say is that being a hovering Mum is an honour. I have been accused of the same but all I can say is no one knows how much I wanted and longed for you, no one knows what it is like to live here in Miami (unless of course they actually do) where kids are sexting at age 10 and how I am trying to protect you from things that I don't want in your life. From creeps and substances. This is your childhood and it should be void of certain things, you will learn all that in time but not now little ones not now.

Your proud little faces when you came into my bedroom this morning carrying not one but two trays, with my breakfast, brought a huge smile to my sleepy face. The toast in different shades of burnt, because you know I like my toast done, was so sweet. I loved how each piece had something different spread on it, something that each one of us would love, just in case I wanted to share. We giggled as the crumbs fell into the bed and you tried to spread them about so they would not be so prickly. It was logical to you.

I asked what you wanted to do today because without you I wouldn't be celebrating anything today, I would be sad. I threw out some ideas of things I thought would be fun but could tell you were saying yes for me and then I thought of something we would all love and love it we did.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me, me.

 I love all the way there and back and then a little bit more too.

Love always,

Mummy.

This is how we spent our day. More on it tomorrow. 

I was going to save this for Mothers day but i just can't, it needs to be shared. It showed up this morning on my Facebook page and it is fantabulous. Even with all the warnings that came with it about getting a tissue I ignored them all and I still read it whilst outside the girls school waiting for them to be dismissed. It was silly, very very silly. I looked like a right twit, blubbering away. If you are an AP heed my warning and get a tissue.



 Written by Kathy Lynn Harris ——————————————————————————————————————

Dear Moms of Adopted Children

Posted on May 7, 2013

First, a quick note: I wrote this piece after reading an essay written by Lea Grover in theHuffiington Post, titled “Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom.” The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an adopted child or not. Happy early Mother’s Day, everyone.

——————————————————————————————————————

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,

I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.

It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.

Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.

Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.

Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.

I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.

I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.

I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.

Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.

I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.

And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.

And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.

I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.

I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.

And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.

I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.

I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.

I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.

I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.

I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.

I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?

I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.

I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.

But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

A beautiful day indeed

The girls had mentioned yesterday that they wanted to make me breakfast in bed. I woke up at 6.30 and thankfully they were still sleeping. Since I didn't want to burst their bubble I stayed in bed playing dead. Finally at 7.20 Rosie came in and said, Happy Mother's Day. I bounded out of bed and we went downstairs together and waited for Lily and Jacob to wake up. I never ever eat breakfast so I was really glad for all this extra time. Jacob and Lily finally woke up at 8.30.

Lily and Rosie immediately set to making me breakfast. I said I would love some toast. It was so sweet, they were so busy in the kitchen and I was told to stay on the couch. I heard lots of clanging and banging and after an eternity Lily carried out a tray with 2 pieces of toast and some fresh sliced apples on it. I think it was the best toast I have ever had and they both hovered over my every mouthful. After I cleaned everything up we got ready for swimming. Yes, men run this swim school so there is no such thing as a day off on Mothers Day!

Once that mission was accomplished we drove to the beach and spent a really lovely afternoon. I decided not to take a camera with me as cameras and beaches just don't mix, well not with me. The waves were huge which was a surprise. i hadn't planned on going all the way in as were were going to go out to eat later and I didn't want the drowned rat look. HAH! An almighty wave took Lily's feet out from under her so I instinctively bent down to help her up and was whacked my the rogue waves brother who swept in right behind it! Once I was soaked all bets were off so Jacob carried Rosie and I took Lily and we went out, way out and had so much fun. Frolicking and being daft, jumping and being knocked down, just great fun. The girls were laughing so hard.

We learnt something today and it is one of those good news bad news things. The good news is, that Lily is NOT allergic to Man O War (with her venom allergies it was a high possibility) the bad news is, she was stung. The good news is she was sprayed with vinegar and is absolutely right as rain already, well almost just a few tell tale red welts but nothing compared to the reaction she had initially. So yay, strike that off of the list. I did title this post, a beautiful day indeed!

We showered off the sand, as best we could, got dressed, combed our salty hair and pretended were were tourists and headed off to Lincoln Rd for a walkabout before heading back to South Beach for dinner. Lily has been asking for ages to eat dinner at a swanky little SoBe restaurant and today was a perfect day. We dined Al Fresco with all the sights and sounds of South Beach to entertain us, and did they ever. Quite a few times Jacob and I thought Lily's eyes were going to pop right out of her head. It truly is the best place in the world to people watch.

Dinner was fabulous and we all had a great afternoon and evening. The girls and Jacob gave me so many surprises that the day really couldn't have been any better.

Here are a couple of shots I took with my phone.

2 little girls eager to get to the beach

Frolicking

Flattened

Rosie, testing the waters

Chicken Little deciding it was to rough and running away.

The view across Ocean Drive from our table.

As we were walking back to the car after dinner I commented on how lovely the food was, I had a Greek Salad, and I asked what the name of the restaurant was. Not one of us knows where we ate! Talk about a lame bunch of people. I could walk into it again, I know exactly which one it was but if my life depended on it I couldn't tell you what it was called. To my little girls, Thank you so much for allowing me to to live my dream. I always hope you know how happy you have made my heart, each and everyday. I love you both all the way to the sky.

Before I Was A Mum

Before I Was A Mum


Before I was a Mum
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.


Before I was a Mum
I slept as late as I wanted
   And never worried about how late
   I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.


Before I was a Mum,
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys
   or forgot words to lullabies.


Before I was a Mum,
I didn't worry whether or not my
   plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.


Before I was a Mum,
I had never been pooped on,
   Spit up on,
   Chewed on,
   Peed on,
   Or pinched by tiny fingers.


Before I was a Mum,
I had complete control of myself;
   My thoughts,
   My body,
   And my mind.
I slept all night.


Before I was a Mum,
I never held down a screaming child
so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.


Before I was a Mum,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't
   want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
   when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew something so small could affect my
   life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.


Before I was a Mum,
I didn't know the feeling of having my
   heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
   to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a
   Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
   could make me feel so important.


Before I was a Mum,
I had never got up in the middle of
   the night every ten minutes to make
   sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
   The joy,
   The love,
   The heartache,
   The wonderfulment,
   Or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so
   much before I was a Mum.


Author Unknown.

Mothers Day came early

Rosies class celebrated Mothers day today. Over the last couple of weeks she has been bursting into song and then suddenly realising what she was singing and stopping mid-word. Since I knew Mothers day was just around the corner I didn't question her as I didn't want to put her on the spot as I was quite sure they were told that, Mum's the word.

Today all was revealed when they gave a little performance. It's so hilarious to watch how all the kids act differently on stage. Rosie does better than most would expect from her and then gives a few mandatory (for her) tears and then resumes her singing. One little boy was in his own world and was hilarious, he's the one standing next to Rose. I'm sure if Rosie had seen what he was up to there would have been no way she would have been able to cry cos he was hilarious, a total nutcase.

All the Mums were presented with handmade gifts and cards and treated to a lovely lunch. It was a beautiful morning and the kiddies were so very very proud of themselves.

Each year at this age the teachers give the kidlets a question and answer sheet to fill out. This is a highlight for me. Here is a sample of Rosies:

My Mom likes to buy                              Some food, shoes and blouses
My Mom likes to wear                            dresses
My Moms favorite food is                      Chinese
My Mom would never give away           Her photos of me and Lily
My Mom likes to cook                            noodles







Happy girl

Singing her heart out

Rosie singing the Happy Song

In this Video she gets all choked up. Afterwards I asked her why she started to cry and she said, because I love you so, so much. Need I tell you who cried then? No, I didn't think so.

 
Albert just kills me, his expressions are priceless.

Mothers Day

Thank you to both of my little girls for allowing me to be their Mummy. Thank you both for putting up with just how much I love you both, I am sure sometimes it is stifling. Thank you both for making my heart whole.

I love you more than you will ever know.

This was a perfect Mother's Day. We all slept late, that alone is a gift more precious than diamonds, well nearly but let's not be THAT silly. The girls and Jacob went all out in the gift department. Both girls had made things at school and Jacob shopped heavily. I love my gifts but they are not necessary, really they aren't. We had a huge breakfast and then decided to go for a swim. I enjoy being with my girls and spending time with them so the idea of spending time alone on Mothers Day is not for me. I also don't want to do anything that I would enjoy more than the girlies as if not for them I would not be celebrating this day.

We were in the pool for a couple of hours, just being silly, splashy and having fun. There was a little competitive spirit to be found by 2 certain people who both won medals, in their day, for swimming.

Not sure what is with Rosie's face

Never let life get too serious
Crazy face day
Underwater

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After a quick lunch the fun ended rather abruptly as we had to take Andie to the airport so that she could head home. That's the absolute worst part of having family come and stay. It doesn't get any easier either.

The girls are going to miss her so much. Andie, on the other hand, really needs a rest. She is an energetic sort and is used to working 24 hour shifts, the kind they throw at you in Iraq and Afghanistan but she isn't used to 2 kids who never slow down.

At the airport we used a baggage tag to tie up Lily's hair and told her we were checking her as luggage and sending her to Grandpa's.

Uh oh, good bye is getting closer
Bye, we are going to miss you, lots.

We left the airport and drove home to a quiet house. Tonight I hugged the girls tighter than usual and told them again, how much I love them and thanked them for all the gifts and homemade cards and all the times they wished me, A happy Mother's day but most importantly I thanked them for being mine.
I really am so thankful for my girls.

Mothers Day breakfast

Rosie has been trying really hard not to tell me all about her special Mothers day breakfast that she was rehearsing for at school. She tried so hard not to sing her special little song in front of me and just kept saying, "it's a prise (surprise)". Yesterday I got to see for myself everything that she and her classmates have been working so hard on.

It was incredible. That Ms. Maria has raised the bar yet again and I am not sure that any other teacher will even come close to being like her. sigh.

First all the children gathered together and sang a song for us. I was so choked up that I couldn't see to turn on my video.

Now of course with Ro being Ro when the volume in the classroom increased so did her anxiety and as Ms Maria was reading out a little question and answer session that she had given to all the kids about their mummy's, Rosie looked like this.

Miss Maria asked them all the same questions and didn't change a word of their answers. We had to guess what answers were ours. These are Rosies.

I think my Mummy looks pretty when: She goes to birthday parties.
My Mummy's favourite thing to do is: I don't know.
I love my Mummy because: She never stops loving me.
That last answer made me cry. I think I was the only one who got teary eyed but this should surprise no one.

Then we were all handed lots of wonderful hand made gifts and card. I am saving mine for Sunday.

All proudly telling us about their Mummies

Enjoying a beautiful breakfast
Now there is that smile I love.
"friend" and Rosie

Everyday is Mothers Day to me, really it is. I love these girls all the way to the big blue sky, across to Grandpa's, over to China, up the Great Wall, back again and then some.

Cashing In My Mothers Day Gifts

Lily took great pride this year in making me my gifts for Mothers day and her teachers really did put some thought into them. By far my favourite is a little coupon book that she put together containing 9 coupons for various things.


6 of the coupons are already filled out and 3 of them are blank so that I can choose what I want them for. She could choose as many or as few as she wanted so she chose all of them. Sweet girl.

This is my favourite:


Some of the others include: vacuuming one room, washing the dishes, breakfast in bed, a car wash and a batch of cookies.

This one however is going to be a real challenge and I cannot wait to cash it in and see what she pulls off! She already told me that she has some ideas. She is a smart kid so I think I will do it soon just to see how she handles the situation because if nothing else it will be a whole lot of fun.

I'll let you know what we have and how it goes.

The blank ones will be used for lots of hugs and kisses cos I can never get enough of those and since the kid looks like she'll be working like a slave I think a reward will rather nice for her too.

Oh, and on the back she even wrote an expiration date! I have to use them before December 24th 2010.

Mothers Day

Thank you girls for making this a day that no longer makes me cringe, no longer makes me wonder why me, no longer makes me cry, no longer makes me wonder if I will ever hold a child in my arms and understand the love of a Mother. You have both bought me such happiness and filled my heart with a love that I sometimes think goes beyond human measure.

I understand now why it took so long because this is just how it was supposed to be. You 2 and us. The perfect family. We go together like bread and butter, toast and jam, because you are my heartbeats. You are the chocolate in my life and without you I would not be.

I do find it strange that society dictates that we need a day to honour our parents because I truly believe that every single day is Mothers Day. I revel in both of you. Sometimes we have bad days and I mess up and handle things really terribly but those days are rare. We have fun and can make lemonade out of the worst lemons. We have adventures out of the every day mundane stuff but that is how we do things. Going to the grocery store makes us laugh our goofy heads off.

I love you both and thank you for all the little things. Thank you for making Mothers Day something that we all celebrate together as a family.

Look over your shoulder.....I'll be there.

Mummy.

Mothers Day

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

 Once there were two women who never knew each other,

 One you do not remember, the other you call Mother,

Two different lives shaped to make you one,

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun,

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it,

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it,

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name,

One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim,

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears,

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears,

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do,

The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you. 

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of? 

Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.

---- Unknown

Monday Again, Already, So Soon.

We had such a lovely weekend and I just didn't want it to end. Mind you compared to last weekend anything would have proved to be an improvement!
Jacob and Lily tiptoed around yesterday morning and let me sleep late.......for you waiting mums, sleep late now cos you will not be doing it again for years! I finally dragged myself downstairs shortly after 8am which may not sound like a lie-in but it was.

Lily's best friend from school turned 5 yesterday and we were invited to their house for a family lunch. All I can say is it was fantastic. The family is from India and "M" made the most wonderful dishes for us all. All authentic Indian cuisine and it was outstanding albeit a little bit hot for our pallets. She offered during the week to make something else for Lily and I said no way. When we arrived she offered to order pizza for Lily and I once again said, No. I tried to choose Lily's food carefully and when I saw "S" tearing into something I thought it would be fine for Lily.....WRONG. It nearly blew her head off of her shoulders. She had such a startled expression on her face and it was priceless. I then tasted everything on her plate and told her what to eat and she did very well. Once the birthday/Mothers day cake arrived she was not quite as conservative and dove in head first.

The rest of the day was spent together very quietly and it was just one of those days you don't want to end. When I went up to bed last night I looked in on Lily for the last time and she looked so adorable that I picked her, her bunny and her pillow up and planted her in bed between us and laughed at the idea of it. We went to bed snuggled up with the most important part of our lives even though she was fast asleep and oblivious to it all. She was more than a little surprised when she woke up this morning and found herself in our bed. Sometimes you just gotta do what you just gotta do!

Lily and the birthday girl.

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Let Them Eat Cake

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Chocolate Ecstasy; look at that little face she is in heaven.

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Mothers Day....long

I believe there to be 3 stages of Mothers Day, at least that is how it feels to me.

Stage One.
I was a little girl with an older brother and an older sister and I watched them so closely make cards and gifts for our mother. Then I was finally able to make things myself. Things out of egg boxes and lollipop sticks, things in class that had so much glue on them they were stiff. Paper rose bouquets made out of doilies and sprayed with anything that I could find that would smell nice. Then as I was a little bit older I was able to buy things for her myself with my pocket money or money that daddy gave to me to buy something for her. Horrendous gifts such as a bright orange lipstick that I can distinctly remember giving to her and that she wore all the time even though I never realised she never wore it outside of the house. Countless boxes of chocolates that I opened and sampled, this I don't remember but she told me a few years ago. We all did it to her and we always bought her the exact same box of chocolates, After Eight mints. I only found out a few years ago that she loathed them. She used to love them but she received them from the 3 of us for each and every occasion but she always smiled and thanked us and told us she loved them. She was always so gracious about our gifts. She kept many of them and new exactly which one of us gave them to her. Of course once I was older I was able to get her things that she wanted and loved but the response was never different if it cost a million pounds or a million thoughts. She isn't here anymore and it is sad, this is our second mothers day without her but we know she is with us in spirit still laughing at some of the peculiar gifts that we gave her. I love you mummy and miss you.



Stage Two
This would be the longing stage. A stage that most of us are in now. The stage where mothers day cuts like a knife because it appears to be an unattainable goal. I hated Mothers Day during these years. It was a constant reminder of something that I longed for but just couldn't reach. I put on a brave face and held my breathe and always made it through. For years we tried to conceive only to have our hopes dashed time and time again. We bought in the big guns in hopes that they could figure it out and they did, temporarily halting my life and dashing all hope. I can now say to each and everyone of you, I hope I never get pregnant. We actually had a small scare a month ago and I was holding my breathe. I was not about to take a test because that might have told me I was, instead we chose to wait a bit longer. We both laughed at the huge change in perspective that has happened to us. The one thing that we both wanted for so long is suddenly not what we want at all. Our babies, our children, are born in China. They are not flesh of our flesh but they are ours. We share our pregnancies, albeit paper ones and we go through the process together. One look at Lilys little face made all the hurt from all the years slide gently away. I cannot say this will happen to you but I hope your pain eases. To each and everyone of you who is waiting I want to say that you are already Mothers. The day that you sealed the envelope that you sent to your agency you became a mum. You daughter is still far away but she is part of you and soon, hopefully very soon, she will be in your arms completing your world. Not to many people truly understand the pain that we go through to become parents. We receive so many comments like, next year, be patient and such, and they hurt, they hurt us so much and so deeply. These comments are not said out of malice but instead because the person just doesn't know our pain.





Stage Three
This is the, finally I am a mummy, phase. Mothers Day takes on a whole new meaning and it puts us on the flip side of stage one. My first mothers day was wonderful. I was finally acknowledged for the one thing I had wanted for so long. But in all honesty every day is like mothers day to me. I am so lucky and filled with such happiness and all because of one little girl. She makes my world complete and my heart overflow with love and joy. She brings me gifts that she has made for me almost daily. She shares her love and affection for me openly and never fails to walk past me without stopping for a hug , a kiss or an I love you mummy. My heart and soul are waiting longingly for my other daughter. She is real to me and lives deep within the recesses of my heart. I can't let her come to close to the surface because it hurts to much. To her I say, I love you, we all love you and we will wait forever to bring you home. We wish for you nightly upon every bright star.


To my darling daughter Lily, you are my world. I love you so much for so many reasons, your smile, your giggles, your beautiful face and skin, the colour and shape of your eyes, your little button nose that wrinkles like crazy when you giggle. If I tell you a silly made up story and you think it is hilarious you want me to tell it over and over again just like I did last night and watched your silly nose wrinkle up time and time again. You are so sensitive for one so young and a very caring little girl. When I hear you say Mummy something inside my heart lights up. The joy and happiness that you have bought to me (and Daddy too) leaves me breathless. Without you I would have no Mothers Day and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being you, my remarkable daughter. I love you, Schnoogy. You rock my world.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you. Whether your babies are with you or not you are still very much a Mummy.....make that Mommy!

My Heart Is Flooded

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I am walking around on a cloud. You see this morning was a Mother's Day tea at Lily's school and first they sang songs and then served us tea. The songs bought me to tears, they were so sweet. ( apparently I am known as the cryer in the group cos 2 other mums handed over their tissues before the kids got started!) After our tea and cookies we were led back to their classroom and the teacher read from a paper that they had filled in about us and we had to guess which one was ours. I knew mine immediately but the second question locked it in. The questions were all the same for all the kids but their answers were so different and really rather funny.
I love this little girl so much and it is an honour and privilege to hear her call me, Mummy.

This is Lily's paper:

Happy Mothers Day by Lily C.

My Mom likes to wear: White Shirts
My Mom's favourite restaurant is: Nunzios
She Likes to cook: Brownies with me
My Mom likes to go to: Shops
My Mom's hair is: Blonde
My Mom gets mad when: I fight with her about something
My Mom looks pretty when: She wears a dress
My Mom doesn't like: Roaches, they get her all scared.
My Mom thinks it is funny when: I jump out and surprise her
My Mom knows alot about: Girly stuff, my dad doesn't know about that
My Mom is scared of: Roaches and roller coasters
My Mom gets excited: When it is somebodies birthday
When my Mom is tired: She takes a nap
When my mom wakes up in the morning: She is all grouchy
My mom would never give away her: Socks

I am still laughing at this. The grouchy mummy in the morning is the sad truth. But as for the socks, well lets just say I am stymied. Jacob laughed at the comment about him not knowing about girly stuff.


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After the festivities it was back to business for the kids.

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