I still cannot believe that something as mundane as Lily starting school again has upset Rosie as much as it has. Lily has been attending school since Rosie came home so it isn't as if this is a new development in her life but it is one that has truly unnerved our baby girl and bought all her abandonment issues front and centre once again. She is hurting.
For the first couple of days we thought she just missed her sister, plain and simple but it is more than that. She feels as if Lily is gone. And even though Lily comes back every single day it isn't helping her. Now when one of us leaves the house Rosie asks the same question, "you come back see me again?". This isn't a normal question. She isn't sleeping properly and she won't allow Lily to get close to her physically even though that is what she craves more than anything.
So we are back to attachment and bonding boot camp around here. I am just so thankful that we know what is going on and that we have friends that understand this process and what our baby girl and us are going through because not even our family understands completely.
Rosie will be fine. Lily is being an angel and understands just as much as she can for a 7 year old what is going on with her sister and is showing her the patience of a saint. This morning Rosie wouldn't kiss her goodbye and as I drove away from the school in the car Rosie screamed, "I want mine big Lily." Urghhhhh....make up your mind, oh that's right, you just can't right now! Lily now has cues and when she hears them she has to say certain things to Rosie.
These issues can come and go they don't just magically resolve themselves. They do get better and one day we hope they won't be a problem. Now that Rosie can talk we are fortunate because she tells us what is bothering her and that is how we know this is an attachment issue and not just a case of missing Lily. Oh how I wish I knew everything that had happened to these daughters of mine in the time that they lived in China. I wish for that all the time but I will never have the answer to that so I have to keep on treading water and filling in the blanks the best I can.
It will be OK baby girl, we have walked this slippery slope with you before and we will walk it for many, many more years that much we know. We will never ever falter because you are our daughter and our sister and we love you and we are a family and families, my sweet little girl, are forever.
Just remember life is a dance.
8 comments:
This post just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry Rosie is having such a hard time. Hopefully time, patience and lots of love will help your sweet girl.
You sure do have a way with words. Poor baby girl. I wish with all my heart we could have been there for our girls from the moment they were born. I truly understand and am right there with you. What a huge difference it would be for Eliana to be able to tell a little bit of what is going on. That is a blessing. Love you all of you.
Sending Rosie and all of you a huge hug. Let me know if you ever need to talk.
Poor sweet Rosie! I'm sure she misses her sister terribly and is afraid each day she will not return. :0( Just breaks your heart to think of them having to go through this time and time again.
(((HUGS)))
My heart is absolutely breaking for sweet little Rosie. As tears stream down my face, I remember when Erin first spoke these same horrid thoughts. One of the things that I did & at night still have to do is to give Erin something of mine that she knows I "can't live without." During the day, she gets to keep one of my bracelets or hair scrunchees.
Could Lily perhaps put an extra hair thingy in each morning & then when she gets out of the car, give it to Rosie & ask her to hold it till she comes back? It sounds crazy, but it works with Erin. In fact, when I have a child at school with separation anxiety, this is what I recommend the parent do. It seems to help in many cases.
Sending hugs!!!
Poor Rosie. I hope each day is easier.
Hugs!
Oh, so sorry to hear about this. Hang in there. Little Rosie will be back to herself soon!
Hugs to you and your sweet girls as you battle through this.
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