That is it, I am at the end of my rope with the nasty fricken comments. This will be a rant. It probably won't be very polite so if you are easily offended I strongly recommend you stop reading right now.
When we chose to start a family through adoption we decided with our first child to choose a healthy baby girl. We were naive. We wanted the world and we went for it. Thankfully after a very long wait we were handed the world. Lily is a perfectly healthy child and has filled our lives with joy beyond our wildest dreams. She is everything to us.
When we jumped back on to the adoption rollercoaster a few years later we consider a special needs child right from the inception of our journey. We knew that many of the defects, diseases and disorders that China considers SN are truly nothing to be overly concerned about. At the beginning of the journey we spoke to our agency about this but we didn't do a live broadcast as we felt it was something that was our business and not public fodder.
As the wait grew longer and longer we perused the lists and finally we found our daughter. Yes, she was our daughter. It took us a long time. At one point we gave up as we felt she wasn't there and we were supposed to wait for her to be matched with us. But on that fateful day we found her, we saw her face and we knew. I cannot explain to you how we knew other than by saying she evoked the exact same feelings deep within us that her sister had done 5 years earlier. Rosie was right there staring back at us. She was ours.
At that point I would easily get 30-40 comments daily on my blog but once we announced that we had a daughter (12 months ahead of the queue) my comments dropped to 5 or 6. We were sent one or 2 emails about how we had jumped the line. We were shell shocked. WTF? This little girl with her heart condition who was sitting all this time in an orphanage in China with nobody to love her had finally found her family and all these people could think of was that we had beaten them to the finish line. Give me a break you selfish jerks.
Today, over 12 months later, we received yet another accusatory email from someone in our original group stating how they were one of only 3 families who had stayed the course and bought home "their" babies home at the right time.
Does it really matter when we travel? I know the wait is endless and the ride is bumpy but in the end our children come home to loving families and that should be the focus of the journey not whether someone with a LID later that yours gets to go first. We found our little girl and somehow were supposed to walk away from her because some people felt it wasn't our time. When you have your child in your arms I hope with all my heart that you will understand how shallow you were being.
Grow up and put love in your heart and not jealousy because if that is what you are going to teach your children then quite honestly you do not deserve to parent a child.
Rant over. Fa la la la la
Update...I wrote this earlier when I was really ticked off and have since calmed down a little. I am still fed up with the nasty comments. Jacob is really annoyed about them and heaven help anyone that make one directly to him. Rose was meant for us, and us for her, end of story, full stop. I am turning off the comments. I don't want to hear anymore about this, I am fried.
4 comments:
Hi,
I read your previous blog while you were waiting for Rosie. I did not adopt from China but enjoyed reading your blog either way.
I'm very sorry that even after all of this time that you're getting nasty comments. My adoption lasted 2 years so I understand very well watching others get their children home before you, and it does hurt very much. In my situation I had an incompetent attorney & psychopathic agency director that sabotaged me and a few others.
I hope that the ones leaving you nasty comments can move on with their lives knowing that they are receiving the child they are meant to parent. It just so happens Rosie was ready a year ago, and her soul was yours to parent.
Blessings and hugs,
Anon.
I have never understood this petty jealousy &/or nastiness. Who is to say what the right timing is for that red thread to connect? Aren't we all in this to become families?
Special needs adoptions are not for the faint of heart. I have always said that it takes a special person to go into a special needs adoption. As I watch these children coming home to their forever families, I am thankful - to the parents who realize they can do this & to G-d above for making parents like you & Jacob & all the rest of my friends who take on these children.
AND, BTW, anyone who is saying anything negative, well, it's your blog & I shouldn't say this but I will. Tell them to go to hell. Then they'll see where some of this children would be left to languish. I much prefer seeing them come home - no matter the damn timeline & wait.
Hugs!
Just realized you were blogging again when you posted on my blog. I thought I'd never hear from you again because I often wonder how Lily and Rosie are doing. So excited I can see them again and my have they grown and changed!
I guess that makes 2 of us who jumped the line. LOL! We're still waiting to travel but you know what, there are less than 1/2 of the families left on our LID date with our agency. Most adopted SN. A few may have dropped out all together because of the wait. And thus far not a one of them has complained about "jumping the line".
Just remind yourself that these selfish people have nothing better to do than to poke fun of people who have accepted what they view as less than perfect children because they didn't have the guts to adopt a child that was anything less than perfect!
Emi is going to have to go through lots of operations over the course of the next 3 - 6 yrs to fix her lip and palate and eventually her ears because they didn't form correctly. But we knew the moment we saw her, we couldn't love anyone but her.
I am SO glad you enabled your comments cause I really wanted to comment on this one! Everyone knows how difficult the wait is but what on earth???? Choosing a child off of a waiting list is not jumping the line! It is a beautiful and unselfish thing to do to choose a child with special needs...taking a leap of faith out of love, full well knowing she is already PERFECT. I have seen others that started later than us in the Thai program get their referral. It does make you a little sad for a minute. You are like, where is mine? But then you realize how lucky you are to have YOUR particular child that was meant for you! You understand that every case is different and that the timing of it is exactly the way it's supposed to be! I can't believe someone is petty enough to still be holding on to that all this time later. Pretty pathetic!
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