The Day that changed my life forever

Nine years ago today in Hubei Province, China, a scared yet incredibly strong 14 month old child was handed to me. She was to become my daughter forever. She had endured so much in her short life, more than any one person ever should yet she had and still has a sparkle to her, a light that no amount of pain could ever extinguish.

She is my heart, she became the part of me that made me whole.

When I met this little soul I knew the true meaning of love and the true meaning of destiny for the first time. Words that once held a shallow meaning suddenly held depth. Everything in my life was now the right way up and my life held a new meaning. I was a person that was driven.

I thought I had my life before her but I was wrong. I knew something was missing but I had no idea that everything was missing. I knew that I wanted her but I didn't realise how much I needed her. Until I held her, felt her, smelled her, I couldn't allow myself to know just how much I needed her. It hurt too much.

This child, my child, my daughter, isn't one that I take for granted. I still smile when I see her, I still look at her as if it is the first time because to me it is the first time. To me it is a miracle that she is mine.

Lily, you rock my world, you make me laugh, cry, giggle, mad, crazy, frustrated, proud, happy, and you make me do it all with more passion than I have ever done it before.

Lilipop, my world is a much more colourful one with you in it. Thank you for being my girl.

I will love you forever,

Mummy.

Gotcha day

The other night the girls were reading books, well Lily was reading, Rosie was making it up so I decided to put the DVD of Lily's Gotcha Day in the player. Within seconds of hearing screaming babies both girls appeared and snuggled nice and close on the couch.

 I love watching their Gotcha Day movies and love seeing their reactions to them even more. Rosie is still quite naive to the whole dealio. We have told her everything but unlike Lily she just isn't so inquisitive. Lily, on the other hand, is starting to see different aspects of her adoption story and it opens up lots of avenues for conversations. I actually encourage Lily to watch it without her realising, just to see if it spurs any great questions, usually it does. This particular evening all they could see was the adorable little baby on the screen. Lily just couldn't tear her eyes off of herself for a second and decided that she was possibly the cutest kid ever. We followed the China DVD with the DVD of the first few days we were home. Lily has no image problems, ego problems or self esteem problems, that is for sure. She is madly in love with herself as a baby. 

Both the girls laughed so hard at some of the antics that Lily got up to. They laughed uncontrollably at the language that she spoke and how she would wait for a response to her scribble. The orphanage had given her a haircut shortly before we bought her home and her hair stood straight up on the top of her head, even that was hilarious. Nothing about the DVD stirred any questions at all this time from either one of them. It's Rosie's turn next, I wonder if she will be besotted by herself too. I am besotted by them both!

Day 3 in China. On the bus going somewhere. Her face was still looking pretty bashed from the fall that she tool just before we got her. She got stitches in the bridge of her nose.They were taken out right before we got her.   :(

Hong Kong airport preparing for the BIG flight home. She already looks 5 lbs heavier

This was taken on our second night home. It didn't take many hours for the big contagious, "Lily Smile" to emerge .

It seems like only yesterday but when I look at all the photos and DVD's I realise just how many details I had forgotten, like the fact that she had scabies and shared them with me!

Oh my, how you have grown

In honour of Forever Day Rosie is fashioning the outfit that she was wearing on the day we met.




Even though I laundered everything myself when we got home I never ever removed the "Jennifers Tags" . Even on our clothes they have to fall off themselves. I can't just rip them off.

I keep this outfit packed away in her treasure box but once a year I pull it out. I daren't let her try on her socks from that day as I think she would have torn through the toes.

Happy Forever Day, Rosie

Happy Forever day Rosie.

Four years ago today we woke up early and wondered how we were going to keep ourselves busy until 2pm when we were going to the Civil Affairs Office, in Guandong Province to finally meet our baby girl.

Our youngest daughter, Lily's baby sister and cousin Andies newest cousin. We were all eager, all nervous and one of us particularly hyper. We spent the morning walking around Shamian Island browsing this and that and finally returned to the White Swan for lunch at their little cafe. We were all quite jiggy by this time and we took photos of the three of us for the last time. We finished lunch, went back up to our room and all got gussied up for the big event. There wasn't much gussing to be done by me as the laundry that we had delivered the day before came back wet and dirty so I was left with only one choice of clean clothes. Lily had a beautiful new dress and a pink ribbon for her hair that matched her new pink shoes. Jacob wore his red shirt.

Andie appeared at our door and it was time to meet downstairs for the drive to the Civil Affairs Office. I remember the bus ride as if was yesterday. Jacob video taped the four of us and I remember telling him that I was feeling happy, scared, nervous and over the moon all at once. He then turned to Andie and asked how she felt and she said she was nervous. He asked her why and I answered, she's scared that we are going to fall apart and she's going to have to do it all. We all laughed. Lily was coughing a little on the bus but I didn't give it a second thought.

We were finally there. Oh the feeling that sweeps over you in indescribable. We all walked in together, chatting, nervously giggling and looking at our respective partners for support. Lily was ready, we all were and it finally happened. A tiny little baby dressed in many layers of clothes due to the brutally cold weather was coming towards us in the arms of her nanny. Her little face was finally there in front of our eyes. The face we had fallen in love with 4 months ago. Lily touched her first. Andie manned the cameras and I just stood there staring in disbelief that my baby was finally about to be in my arms. I would be able to touch her, kiss her, smell her in mere seconds.

Oh how she cried, her heart was broken and how we cried, our hearts were finally whole.

Now 4 years later our little girl is still very shy. She still needs assurance before she tries anything new but as long as I am with her she can take on the world. 4 years ago she would have done anything possible to get back to her nannies and now she will do anything to never have to leave us. She tells me all the time she will never leave me, she won't get married and if she does her husband will live with us too. She will go to college but I am going as well.

She knows how loved she is but better than that she loves us too.

It was a tough road for her at first and I never thought I would be able to celebrate her Forever Day but we can now because she is starting to understand her story.

We love you Rosie and that will never ever change

That life changing moment.

This is Rosie, still in the HTS orphanage shortly before Gotcha Day

Playing with her nanny

Tiny baby, wearing the same socks that she wore in her referral photos.

A day like no other

Today marks the 8th anniversary of the day that Lily was placed in our arms.

That day is still as clear today as it was 8 years ago. I love reliving it, every second of it. Well, perhaps not the nerves and abject terror that was coursing through my body but everything else. It is the most wonderful day of my life, the day that fulfilled a lifelong dream.

Until that day all I knew was that I wanted to become a mother I really didn't know what being a mother involved. Lily taught me that and because of her I knew I could do it again.

Lily, I love you, everything about you. I would shout it from the roof tops if I could........ but lets face it I am a bit of a klutz and would probably fall off! You made my dreams come true and I thank you from the bottom of my bottom.....(it's bigger than my heart).

Love you forever and ever, all the way to China and back.

mummy.

Tonight we are going to celebrate with a trip to C0ldstone Creamery and then we will traipse down memory lane as we watch Lily's DVD from Gotcha day. It's my all time favourite movie, well Rosie's to of course.

Happy Gotcha Day Rosie

Three years ago today we became a family of four in the Civil Affairs Office of Guandong Province.

I have no idea where the last 3 years have gone, no idea at all.

Somewhere during this time my baby learnt to walk, and talk, and had her heart surgery. She learnt to trust us and to love us and finally allowed us to love her.

She went from 12 months to 48 months in the blink of an eye.

She goes to nursery school and now I can say, with all certainty, that she loves it.

She learnt to swim, 2 years ago. How can it be?

She rides horses.

She has her own friends.

She loves to help me cook.

She is moving forward and is no longer a baby but a little girl.

She knows what she wants to wear and this morning said to me, I don' really like that outfit. Do I have to wear it?

She writes her name.

She counts to 30.

She sings her alphabet.

She loves to ride her bike.

She dials her dad on the phone.

She has an amazing imagination and spends hours playing little games with her dogs.

She is sassy.

She has an opinion, a large opinion and offers it frequently.

She is tiny, really tiny but has a huge spirit.

She loves her sister, passionately.

She lets very few people into her heart but when you are in, you are in.

Rosie is growing up.

We love you little Qi Min, thank you for making our family complete.

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The Memories Will Never Fade

How can it be that 7 years ago today the world was changed?

We were a childless couple in Hubei, China and had woken up after a night that offered very little sleep and were fighting a serious case of butterflies and nerves. We offered each other reassuring looks and hugs, but we both new that we wanted this more than we had wanted anything else but we were scared, bone scared. What if she hated us? What if she rejected us for months? What if she had RAD? No, no, it would be fine, we were prepared, we had planned for the worst and hoped for the best, yes, that is what we had done. Meetings, books, research, you name it. What if when we got there, there wasn't a baby for us because the government had changed their minds? Now that, that was our biggest fear of all. We had waited so long, jumped through so many hoops, been probed in so many orifices, orifices that were so still so raw, oh god I thought I was going to be sick. maybe a few more tears and I would be able to hold it together. All these emotions and at the very same time I wanted to run up to the roof and yell, I AM GOING TO SEE MY BABY TODAY, TOUCH HER, SMELL HER, HOLD HER. I was a hot mess and so was her daddy.

No time for tears suddenly our room was a gathering place for our group. Our guide was telling us to be ready and downstairs at 2pm and we would head to the civil affairs office to meet our babies. Smiles everywhere and chatter all you could hear was chatter but I needed quiet, time to process what was said.

On the bus as we approached "that building" silence prevailed and the closer we got the quieter we got and by the time we arrived you could hear a pin drop. Then we all scurried out of the bus all of us talking to our respective partners and I remember saying to Jacob, as he video taped me, "4 years, and it all comes down to this very moment". I took a photo of the building and we walked inside holding hands and grinning like schoolkids. The second we got inside the heat hit me. It was stifling. We were ushered into an elevator and we didn't all fit and I do not remember if we were the first group or the second but we all met up again and headed to the room. We could hear babies, our babies. Oh my gosh one of those babies was Lily, unless they had changed their minds, no, don't think like that she was there! One little girl walked out to meet us, it turned out to Sonja, Lily's China sister. We walked into the room and Kathy, our guide asked us to be seated. I remember, placing the diaper bag and gifts down and then just listening to her and the "official" talk. They talked for so long and their words were endless. Would they ever stop. I couldn't concentrate. The official would speak first and then Kathy would translate. I wasn't listening, not because I didn't want to but because I was incapable of. I knew I needed to, they were explaining how the process would unfold. I begged my mind and brain to cooperate but it refused. Thankfully Jacob appeared to be cognitive.

Something changed and everyone was applauding. First a man stood up, he was the director of an orphanage where 2 of the babies were from, next Mrs Li stood up, thankfully I caught this part as she was Lily's orphanage director. I applauded along with the others and it brought me back into the present. The heat was oppressive but it didn't matter because in seconds nothing else at all would matter. The Ayi's started to file into the room holding the babies and one by one they called the families to the front. I scanned the crowd and then I saw her. Dear God the world changed at that second. Nothing has been the same since and nothing has had the same significance. I listened for Kathy to say our names and then I heard it, "Jacobdawncope", just one word changed my life forever. Jacob took our baby onto his arms and his eyes filled with tears. He gazed from her to me and back. I stared at her. I wanted too smother her in love but knew i would scare her even more than she already was so I kissed my finger and stroked her face.

Li, Yu Ni was worried, She looked around for her Nanny, the person she had only known for 2 days but alas the only person she knew. She was leaving and Yu Ni was sad. It was heartbreaking to watch the tears spill from her eyes. We tried to comfort her. We knew her heart was breaking but at the same time we we elated, finally our dreams had come true. I knew at that moment that there is such a thing as love at first sight.

Adoption, at least adoption from China, is heartbreaking, there is no grace period to get to know the babies, just a handoff. Your dream come true is their worst nightmare. It resembles kidnapping when you actually stop and think about it, so don't!

Lily cried, big tears and we comforted her or at least we tried. At some point we went back down to the bus and Lily fell asleep all snuggled up on Jacob's shoulder. She finally decided to allow herself to get close-ish. Her next few hours were confusing, of course. They were confusing for us to. Does she need food yet, should we try a bottle again, oh my gosh should we ever put her down, no we must keep holding her, should we see if she wants a toy yet? On and on with the should we's. Poor child was a test project or at least I am sure that is how it felt. Her first few days were a daze. She slept a lot. Her coping mechanism was sleep. She was opening up and smiling, eating and doing all the things that babies do but you could see in her face she was wearing a mask. Our agency was fabulous, right there every single step.

As we look back on those first few days Lily was a champ it was us who were not. The biggest mistake we made was being first time parents but nothing could have changed that!

We made it, all 3 of us, and Lily thrived and has turned into who she is today partly because of us and those faltering first few days. Because of her we are who we are today and I wouldn't change being a parent for anything. I love it from the bottom of my toes to the top of my sometimes frazzled head.

Lily's Referral photo

Lily on Gotcha Day 2003

Lily's first anniversary of Gotcha day. Some the families flew out to Seattle for a reunion and here she is with her China Sisters.

Lily is trying to escape and has a heart on her shirt.

One of my all time favourite photos of Lily. I LOVE her smile. It is from Nov 2004 when she met her Grandpa for the very first time and she just beamed from the first time she set eyes on him.

A Week In Review.

Today is our 2 year anniversary of Rosie's Gotcha day. I have been thinking more and more about gotcha days lately. When we first got Lily it was a huge day. Something that we noted on a monthly basis and then the huge first year anniversary and then as the years passed it became less noticeable. To me the most important date is the day you receive your referral and see their face for the first time. Rosie became part of our family when we sent in our application. that is when I started to love her. My love for her grew and grew and the day I saw her face in a photograph was the most important day for me. Of course the first time I got to hold her and touch was important but that was just a formality if you will. she was already mine. I cannot explain it but maybe some of you who have adopted can understand how I feel. So today is important in some ways but this day 2 years ago was so very, very hard on Rosie that it seems unkind to celebrate it....she was already part of my heart long before so I don't need to remind her of the day we broke hers.

The roofers are here and all I can hear is the pounding and scraping of roofing supplies all day long. The whole house shakes, the smoke detectors have been found dangling from there wires and the pictures are all cock-eyed. With regard to the noise and the shaking of the house this must be what it is like to live in a war zone. I researched this company thoroughly before hiring them. Roofers and movers seem to be career fields that attract scammers and I was not about to be taken. My diligence paid off in more ways than one. On Wednesday my next door neighbour came marching over and accused the roofers of going up on to her roof and stealing 2 of her roof tiles. The roofers were able to produce before photos of our house and also ones showing her house that just happened to show the exact 2 roof tiles already missing. So much for her little scam to get her tiles replaced. I cannot wait for this job to be finished and am oddly giddy about the idea of a whole new roof.

Rosie had her 3 year old well visit with her pediatrician on Thursday and pretty much blew her away. It was 12 months ago that we saw her last and it was at that visit that Barbara became so concerned due to her weight loss and referred us to the gastroenterologist and nutritionist. This time was completely different and she was beyond happy to see the changes in her. According to her scales, Rosie weighs 28lbs but we know this not to be true as she weighed her in her clothes on a very cold day and she was wearing, a coat, long sleeve shirt, corduroys, socks and heavy shoes, and the other doc only weighs her naked. When I pointed this out to Barbara she said that she needed to do the same but I asked her not to so that I could bask in those high numbers for 2 weeks before we see Katouby again, Barbara laughed and obliged me and then noted in her chart that Rosie was wearing clothes and that I am nuts! She has grown another inch and is now in the 75%tile for height and if the weight proves to be true the 10%for weight. We talked about many things for nearly an hour. Rosie is very very tiny...I already know this, but she in very healthy. We talked about her issues and Barbara says she is so pleased that we are so in tune to Rosie and understand what she is going through and what she has had to deal with in her life so far. We talked about temper tantrums and how to deal with them with the negotiator and then she asked Rosie some questions and while she was answering them she was buttoning up the tiny little buttons on her shirt and Barbara stopped talking and starred at her and said, is she doing up her own buttons? I said she was and was then informed that that is 4 year old behaviour and that Rosie's has incredible fine motor skills. She then zipped up her jacket and Barbara just looked at her and wished me luck with her and walked off to get the nurse to bring her a shot! Rosie is in the in between phase with shots. She is big enough not to cry just for being at the Dr's and still to young to cry for shots so she took it like a champ. Next year she will start howling like a banshee just like her sister has started doing I am sure. She did get upset when she looked at the band aid on her finger from the blood draw and each time her voice got sadder and sadder so by the time I got to the car I ripped it off and all was well. She would not let me take the band aid off of her arm for 2 days and when she would notice it her arm would magically hurt her so when I took off her shirt I maneuvered it in such a way that I was able to pull off the already half off band aid. When she asked where it was I said it was gone and she said, "oh good". Silly goose.

One night this week when I put her to bed she told me she loved me with all her heart and "salt". Lily immediately cracked up laughing and told me she loved me with all her heart and pepper.

Lily had an incredible riding lesson this week. There is a horse at the stables that is particularly difficult and he goes by the name of Red Beauty or more affectionately as Bucking Beauty. When we arrived on Thursday Lily went bounding up to Gema and was informed that she was in for a surprise. She was riding Bucking Beauty. The "big" girls all kindly offered words of encouragement but Lily, being Lily was stoked about the whole idea. To her it was another challenge on horseback and one she was going to embrace. I will admit to being nervous and as I listened to the list of don'ts I couldn't decide if I wanted to watch or if I wanted to walk around and not bare witness to this event. I ended up doing a little of both and when I watched I was amazed to see this 49lb child of mine ride a full sized horse with her feet out of the stirrups and get bucked at least 30 times and remain in the saddle. She made this Mama proud. Towards the middle of the lesson Gema placed dollar bills between their knees and the the saddle flaps and whomever still had theirs at the end of the lesson would win all the money. My girl left the arena looking like a banker as she waved her wad of cash. She beat them all, every single last one of them, the 10 year olds, the 12 year olds and the other 7 year old and the others in between and she was smiling her Lily smile from ear to ear and Gema was smiling for her cos that horse was a tough ride but she did it. I don't like to brag but she is good and she loves it. She has a competition coming up soon and I really hope that she places as this will be her first in her new age category and she will be the youngest in the group. I know she can do it.

One more thing before I go. what is with the weather? I cannot remember a winter as cold as this one that has lasted this long. I have always liked the cold much more that the heat but this year I am freezing all the time. I just cannot get warm. I am in no hurry for the hot Florida temps to come back but can someone please send me a parka!

Hmmm, a week in review is a lot to post. I really should post more often shouldn't I?

I have no idea when I took this or what she is doing but it makes me giggle and I figured after reading all of this you deserve a picture so here you are!

Happy Adoption Day Lilipop.

The moment the world stood still.
All the years of waiting and heartache just melted away at this very second.



Daddy and daughter. Her face is covered in schnoog from crying so very hard. She has a big bruise on her head and a fresh scar on her nose where she had just had some stitches taken out...yet I see none of this just the most beautiful face in the world. ( I used to call her my little monkey cos she looks just like a little chimpanzee)



It was 6 years ago today that we became parents. In so many ways it seems like just yesterday because the memories of that day are all still so vivid and it doesn't seem possible that the tiny soul that was handed to us is now 7 years old and is our beautiful and outgoing Lily.

When I look at the photos of that day and think of all that she had gone through in her little life it hurts so much. So many people caring for her, so many abrupt changes in just the 48 hours leading up to that moment...gosh it makes me shudder. I am so thankful that she doesn't remember any of it.

She knows all about it, she loves that we were crying tears of joy and that she was crying too but her tears were scared tears because she was saying...help, who are these freaks, get them away from me! She laughs her head off when she tells it. (This is the way she tells her story for now. The way that she has constructed it with the information she has.) The information we have given her is all the truth and we will always give her the truth.

Lilipop. you were the first person to ever call by a name that I wanted to hear for so many years, you called me Mama. Thank you Lily for being my daughter. I love you.

Thank you, of course, to a couple who still keep a part of my heart, her birth parents, to both of you we will be eternally grateful. You gave us the greatest gift of all.

Home For One Year.

One year ago today in a chilly room in Guandong Province we were united with Nan Qi Min. I think we were the last couple to receive our baby and all the other families were doting on their new babies when suddenly we saw her. Her, the little tiny person that we had been so in love with for 2 years. Her, the baby sister, that Lily had longed for. Rosie was about to be in our arms. The emotions that you go through at the very moment are hard to put into words. It is as if your heart is finally being made whole for the first time. We were on cloud nine, and have stayed there actually.

We let Lily approach her first, it was a promise we had made to her and then Jacob touched her next, as he held Lily first when we received her and we wanted to do things the same. By the time I got to touch her the guides were begging us to take her so I carried her out of their arms and that is when the crying started. We all sat down on the floor with her, right there and tried to console her little body but it was no use she was gutted, devastated, scared and alone. Our dream come true was a nightmare for her. We must have spent at least another hour there and she pretty much cried the whole time. Food, drink, soft words, soft toys and kisses just couldn't compare to the feelings of loss and fear that she had. I had to go and interview her care givers and Jacob tried to console her but decided after a few minutes that she might be better off with me. Once she saw her nannies she calmed down a little.

She was so very, very tiny and frail. I really wanted to get her back to the room so that we could really look at her, inspect her, see every inch of her tiny body. I wanted to know if she was all right. She definitely had a good set of lungs but I just wanted to really be able to see her tiny little beautiful body.

She sobbed on and off all afternoon. We fed her and she was eager to eat by that point. Her first bottle didn't go very well but finally she took it and then I tried to undress her. She had a lovely little suit of yellow corduroy on with fake sheepskin cuffs and as I tried to remove it she became inconsolable again but I had to do it. As I removed each layer she grabbed for them and held them close, wailing the whole time. Under her yellow suit were 2 of the saddest looking shirts I have ever seen, both were torn, and badly stained but their purpose was not to look nice but to protect her from the brutally cold temperatures that China suffered from last year. I finally changed her and was so shocked to see such a bony little child underneath all of the layers. If you remember I was a little taken back by her deformed chest and rib cage but mostly I was shocked at how very small and how very white she was. To this day Lily will often say, "do you remember how white Rosie used to be?" I do remember. The Mama in me just wanted to make it all better, I wanted to get her here right then so that we could see our pediatrician and our cardiac team.

That first night she slept like a champ. We woke her to feed her and she didn't cry. We held her and kissed her softly and spoke to her. I layed with her until she went back to sleep. We just couldn't believe she was ours. We finally had 2 girls, each as precious as the other and each belonged to us. This day was extra special cos we had Andie with us. Lily calls her, Cousin Andie, she never just calls her Andie and Rosie calls her Annie.

Rosie, it took you along time to really accept all the changes in your life but you have and now you are a happy little girl. We will always be here for you. If you have questions we will answer them, if we don't know the answers which will be the case quite often we will try everything we can to find them for you. Your sister will understand you and everything that you have gone through. All we can do is console you and always let you ask what it is you need to know. You heart is mended, in more ways than one and you are ready to take life by the horns. You are still our skinny little chicken but you have a big sister always standing ready to protect you when things get to rough or people get to nosey or pushy. We love you little Qi Qi and cannot believe you have been with us for a year. In so many ways it seems much longer but at the same time it feels like just yesterday.

One year ago.

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These are some random shots of her today. I think she has changed rather alot.
Rosie in the car on the way to Chuck-up-Cheese

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During dinner this evening she pulled off this tasty little party trick! That is Mac-n-Cheese up her schnoz

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In the bath tonight. This girl has some serious hair demons.

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Reading together before bed. Lily is reading her The Hungry Caterpillar.

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The only person that could do anything for Rosie tonight was Lily. She was in a huge Lily mood and wanted her to do everything for her. Lily of course, lovingly obliged. It's funny really cos 12 months ago today she pretty much wanted Lily for everything then too. If Lily is around Rosie has more nerve. Rosie needs Lily so that everything is all right in Rosieland.

Gotcha Day Remembered (this will be long)

This will probably get very long winded as I remember the day as it unfolded and you may even need a tissue. I know I will.

Four years ago today Jacob and I were in Hubei Province China. We had had our last hoorah, as a childless couple, in Hong Kong for a day and then we flew straight to Wuhan a day early, or so we thought, so that we could get acclimatised. Our wonderful guide Kathy met us at the airport and we went straight to a department store so that we could get Chinese style bottles and formula for the baby and then it was off to our hotel. On the way to the White Rose, Kathy announced that we would be getting the babies tomorrow. Jacob and our friend "Chicken Feet" who came along with us to China didn't seem surprised until I said something about it being a day early and then they all caught on. I promptly burst into tears....a trend that would continue.

Once we were checked in and taken to our room the reality of everything hit us. There was a crib in our room. A crib for our baby. Oh dear heavens we were about to be parents to the most incredible little girl we had ever seen. (and you know we still feel this way). We unpacked and generally fiddled around until dinner time and then we went to one of the hotel restaurants where we met another couple in our group. We sat together and talked and talked. I don't what time we left the restaurant but I remember C.F. telling us we needed to get to bed cos we needed to be well rested for the morning. Oh and let me tell you rest was not about to happen. We were walking around with the most ridiculous grins on our faces. We were scared and excited all at once. We ran over the, "what if" list for the umpteenth time and finally fell asleep.

We awoke a 4.00am and made sure the diaper bag was packed and ready to go. Nothing like being prepared, we didn't have to be in the lobby until 2.pm. At about 10am more of the group arrived and we all started to congregate in our room. Finally it was time to go. We piled into the bus and silence took over. Every now and again you would here a few words or a nervous giggle but that was it. My stomach was bouncing around so much I thought I might have swallowed Tigger.

We pulled up in front of a hotel and were taken upstairs to a hot room and there we waited. At one point a cute little girl of about 2 came zooming in and then she fled. She turned out to be Sonja, the oldest child in our group and the one we nicknamed the "little marine". Our guide introduced us to another lady who only spoke Chinese and then Kathy translated every word she said. It seemed to go on forever but I knew it was important but seriously I just wanted them to be quiet and hand us Lily. I lost my concentration and suddenly the room was filled with people carrying babies and everything started to happen very fast. The director of Lilys orphanage spoke, again I have no idea what she said cos I was close to throwing up from excitement. Then it happened, they called John's name and he went down on bended knee and asked Sonja if he could be her daddy. That did it for me, I was crying. It was the most touching thing I have ever seen in my life. One by one they rattled off names and I was trying so hard to spot our little munchkin amongst the crowd. I finally saw her and I just couldn't believe it was about to happen. Kathy shouted, "JacobdawnCope". It sounded like one word and did every time they said it. We moved forward and as arranged Jacob lent forward and took our daughter into his arms and then he turned towards me to show me this beautiful and tiny little girl who was ours, all ours. I didn't want to kiss her straight away because I didn't want to scare her so I kissed my finger and stroked her cheek.

She was giving Jacob the evil eye. She wasn't crying but she really wasn't happy about the situation. She sat in his arms all rigid and slowly the tears built up in her eyes and she started to cry and look around for her nanny. It was so heartbreaking to watch. Our dream come true was an absolute nightmare to her. All the kids were starting to cry so we walked over to a corner and tried to comfort this precious little child. C.F. is Chinese so she spoke to her and tried to comfort her but from a distance. She understood that getting to close to her at the moment would not help the situation. I remember crying so hard and thinking that the photos would be awful if I didn't get my act together. Jacob was also crying and so was Lily....a match made in heaven.

Things became blurry but we got back on the bus and Lily calmed down and comforted herself in Jacobs arms. She fell asleep and stayed that way for the duration of the ride. I kept staring at her and wondering what I had done to deserve this little one. My world had turned rightside up in a second and I finally knew the love of a mother to a child. Lily or as she was back then, Yu Ni, slept for a good hour conked out of Jacobs chest. When she woke up she whimpered and it broke my heart. We had received a bag from the orphanage and in it was a bottle of her favourite drink and a snack so we gave it to her and she calmed down again. I knew I had to change her but the thought of undressing her seemed so cruel that we waited.

We spent the rest of the day talking to her, holding her and showing her some things. She didn't smile but she didn't cry again either. We were amazed at how many Mongolian spots she had. Her little body was blue everywhere and I was concerned that some of them we bruises. She was playing on the floor sitting on a towel and we had no idea if she could even walk when she suddenly jumped up and ran out of the room and down the hall way with the typical drunken sailor gait of a child who is new at walking. We followed in close pursuit and bought her back to the room. She started to jibber jabber and ate a reasonable amount of dinner. Jacob and another dad went back to the supermarket to get more supplies while I tried to put her to bed. I gave her a bottle rocked her in my arms and she went out for the count until the next morning. I just kept staring at her and saying, Isn't she beautiful. It wasn't a question but a statement.

At some point we made a couple of phone calls to let the world know we had her.
I love watching the video of this day and so does Lily. We showed it to her once shortly after we got back and she started to get cry and became very agitated. She must have remembered some of it. We stopped it immediately and didn't show it to her again for months.

Our Gotcha day was very easy and we are really thankful. Our love for Lily grows every day and she just continues to amaze us.

For those of you waiting for your first child....it will be worth it, so very, very worth it.

Publishing SNAFU.....I wrote this post last night so that I could just copy and paste it today before we leave for the day but I forgot and hit publish so this is a day early by date.