My Heart Needs A Band Aid

As the parent of adopted children somewhere in the back of my mind always looms the horrid conversations that will, with all likelihood, happen when the girls are teenagers. I know that I am jumping the gun a little bit by thinking that far ahead but I think it is self preservation. Plan for the worst and hope for the best: words that Jakey and I live by.

As I have mentioned many times before Lily is wise well beyond her years and has a very deep soul. Tonight after the girls were out of the bath I was combing Lily's hair and she in turn was combing Rosie's. The following conversation took place.

Lily: Mummy, look at all this new hair that is growing on Rosie's head.
Me: I see it but it still isn't as much as is still growing on your 6 yr old head.
Lily: Let me see if you have any.
Me: I don't but I do have this funny hair here that is called baby hair that is always really blonde and never grows any longer than an inch.
Lily: Why do you still have baby hair?
Me: I don't know. Grandpa has it too.
Lily: Maybe I got mine from my birthmother.
Me: Yes, maybe you did.
Lily: I have got a lot of things from my "real" parents.
Me: I thought we were your real parents?
Lily: No, they are. They gave me birth or whatever it is called.
Me: That's true they did but usually when you have birthparents and adoptive parents the adoptive ones are the "real" ones. We are the ones that love you and ...
Lily:(butting in) They love me too.
Me: Yes they do, very much.
Lily: So they are my real parents.

I wasn't ready for that. I went on to tell her that she can call them and us whatever she likes because it is her life and her story. I didn't want to appear shocked or upset because I need her to be able to tell me and ask me anything and if she thinks she has hurt my feelings or made me sad she won't be truthful she will be protective. My irrational brain went into overdrive and I felt like a child myself and wanted to beg her to say she loves us more. I know that is dreadfully childish and believe me, I didn't react the way my heart wanted to. I felt like I had been jilted by my first love. Such strange emotions were stirred up and within seconds I thought, she wants to go back to China, she feels "different" because she is adopted, she is confused, oh my God she isn't happy. I understand she has questions and she knows she can ask us. More than anything in the world I don't ever want her to be hurt. I didn't push the issue and when she was done talking I carried on as usual but if anyone has a band aid for my heart I really need it.

The conversation continued for a little bit longer and she aired her feelings. We have always been very honest with her about her story and nothing that she says should surprise me but I just didn't expect this yet. I rang my friend Hollis who is so good at keeping her head and dealing with situations that arise out of the clear blue sky and we talked for ages. We have loads of books about adoption but she suggested one that I have never heard of and it is now being overnighted from the fine folks at Amazon. I want to bring the subject up again because I now have a clearer head and will be better able to deal with it. I know you don't get "do overs" in real llife but I am going to try and do this over and see if I can work out where this statement came from.

When I tucked her into bed and kissed her she said, I love you, you're the best Mother in the world. Thanks Schnoogie, I'll take it.