I believe and this is just my own personal feeling, that the worst feeling in the world is not being able to help your children. I know that my sister can contest to this.
Rosie has always been an anxious child. In the beginning just about any situation outside of our home was too much for her. She withdrew and became very clingy. We kept all outside stimulation to a minimum. It wasn't fun but it had to be done for our daughter. Slowly but surely Rosie was able to take on more and more, yet certain situations were still triggers so we would talk her through them or sometimes just avoid them entirely. Ergo's were her comfort zone and her stroller was a close second.
She has never ever been completely comfortable when she is away from us and by away I don't mean under the charge of someone else but rather, in another room. All is right in Rosie's world when she has her immediate family right. next. to. her. side.
As time has passed she had become more comfortable but note that I used the past tense. Approximately 2 weeks ago Rosie's anxiety came back but this time it was worse than ever. Now she cannot bare to be away from me, at all, for one second. Our routine has always been the same and nothing has changed in it. Nothing appears to have provoked this but it is happening and to see our daughter go through this is so very painful. Yesterday she nearly vomited when she realised I was not going with Lily, Jacob and her on a play date. That's how bad it has become. Every single night she has nightmares where she yells out, please don't leave me or don't take me, no no no.
This is not normal and we won't stand back and watch her suffer. The Rosie that you see on the blog or see in person when we are with you is not the same Rosie that is being tortured by this constant thought that she is going to be abandoned.....again. Please don't sit on your high horse and tell us that she doesn't remember her life in China as she clearly does. She makes comments that rip deep into our hearts. Don't tell me she has to get used to being apart from me because I know this but she doesn't have any inkling of how to do this.
Jacob and I have done every thing we can think of to help her, she takes my photo with her, she gets a note from me (that was her own request), she wears something of mine every day we are apart but none, NONE, of it is working. We have decided that it is time to call in a therapist to help her work this out. Her school is on board with us and couldn't be more helpful. The director is also implementing steps to help her and her teacher is acting like her very own Grandparent. We have learnt so much in just a couple of days.
I will be spending time with Rosie in school and slowly we will transition me to the bench outside her classroom. This cracks Lily up as she loves the idea of me being benched. Lily has given her one side of a heart necklace to wear whilst she wears the other half. It not just Jacob and i that she missed but Lily as well. As much as she misses me the most she also needs her Daddy and Big Lily.
We have discovered that emotionally Rosie is at a 2 yr old level whereas mentally she is above average. She is exhibiting the behaviours of a child a year younger than she is. She checks on me constantly when we are in the house. If she is in a different room she calls my name calmly and if I don't hear her the second time she calls me it is with her voice filled with panic and fear.
Now we have lots of games to play. The most important is hide and seek. Mummy hides and she has to find me. Mummy is gone but only for a minute. We then explain that is just like at school or when I go to work. She can always find me because we are a family and families are forever. Monotony is the name of the game around here LOL. This will all take time and will probably take longer than we hope but we are in this for the long haul.
If you ring me and I don't answer it is because I am either on the bench, or hiding under a bed!
My father thinks therapist are foolish. How can someone else who doesn't even know you solve your problems? To him I say, I don't work on my own car and I definitely don't practice surgery on myself I turn to people who are adequately trained and with years of experience. I am not trained in psychology so I am turning to someone who is.
Together we will chase away these demons, once.and.for.all.
I am sharing this because if anyone is going through this with a child they are not alone and if they want to talk they can email me or leave a comment.Happy go lucky Rosie at home!
