Even I'm surprised

I think when you dream about parenting you dream about a happy place with pretty little girls, with pretty little dresses, with flowy hairstyles etc etc. Some days are like that but others, not so much. The thing that has surprised me the most about being a parent are some of the things that have come out of my mouth. Things that as a mother to 2 girls I never in a million years thought I would utter. Actually I never thought about it at all because I was all caught up in my Laura Ashley/Pottery Barn Kids/Matilda Jane fantasy. Without naming which kids did what so as to save them some embarrassment, I will give you a couple of examples of things that are forever etched in my brain. ( Kids will be called Sprout and Squirt) The girls were getting ready to get into the bath one night and one was squawking up a fuss, as I walked into the room to see what all the commotion was about these words flew out of my lips: Sprout, don't lick your sisters bottom that's disgusting! (Yes seriously I have actually had to say that!) On another occasion I sadly had to say: Squirt, why is your sister's mouth taped shut? How about this one: who is the brainchild that thought doing laundry in the lavatory was a good plan? Oh and then there was the child that for 2 whole months had 2 invisible lizard friends who went everywhere with her. I had to talk to Larry and Lizzy all the freaking time and if I didn't Squirt got quite upset. She walked around everywhere with 2 clenched fists cos in each hand was an invisible lizard. Never thought I'd have to talk to one invisible lizard let alone 2 and for 2 whole months, ahah, I really did that. These moments never fell into my master parenting plan. They weren't in the big picture that I painted in my head. I do think think my master plan was rather dull in comparison to the one that I am living.