Letting Go.

Yesterday was a day that Lily had been eagerly anticipating for nearly a week. She was going on her first ever sleep over. To say that she was excited is an understatement. The night before I was awoken by a little voice just after 4am., asking if she could have a snuggle cos she was just too excited to sleep, I obliged as I found it all to be utterly adorable.

Yesterday morning she woke up and yelled, "I can't believe that today is the day". We had breakfast put Rosie down for an early nap and then headed off to a water park to meet with Hollis and the girls. All 5 of the girls had a wonderful time and finally it was time to head over to Hollis' house to do the drop off.

I have to add here that Lily has never been left with a babysitter. When we go home I often say good bye to her as she toddles off somewhere with Nannis, Grandpa, Andie, Uncle Mike or a handful of other family members but that is it. I never think twice about it. When we were in China she went out with just Andie and I left her with Andie when she was so sick....it means nothing to me. I love and trust these people and know Schnoog is having a fabulous time. But here? Well, we don't leave her ever! She goes out with Goo Goo and that is about it. So yesterday was a huge step for all of us. I can't imagine a safer place for Lily to be than at Hollis' house and we love her family and hold them close to her heart so I didn't give it much thought.

So after dinner Rosie and I packed up our things and headed to the car cos I couldn't stand hearing Lily ask me one more time when I was leaving!!! Talk about, don't let the door hit you on your behind when you leave! We hugged her goodbye and kissed all the girlies and left. Once in the car Rosie stared at Lily's car seat as if to say, "Mama, aren't you forgetting something" but after about 2 minutes she was fast asleep. When we got home she woke up long enough to change into pajamas and have a bottle and then she was gone. After I put her to bed I walked into Lily's room and my stomach just flipped. That funny sort of flip that you get when you are excited yet nervous at the same time.

This was the first time in 5 years that she hasn't been home with us. It was a peculiar feeling that I can't quite put into words but suffice to say I missed her terribly. I started cleaning and all of a sudden it was passed midnight. I went to bed but could not fall asleep even though I had spoken to Hollis twice and new that she was having a fine time and was fast asleep. I knew that we would not receive the middle of the night phone call that is so common with first sleepovers, there was no way she would need to come home.

At 8.30 this morning Hollis rang to say they were all playing together and that she was going to take then bowling and why didn't I arrive late afternoon to get her. Late afternoon? Oh boy, I was going out of my mind but I did what was suggested and when we arrived I was welcomed by a little girl who looked at me and said, Oh Mummy, can't I stay just one more night?" She was exhausted and she wasn't happy about the thought of going home so I cajoled her a bit and we left. In the car she fell asleep and when she woke up she was happy Lily again and couldn't stop talking about her night and day.

I am thrilled for her, thrilled that she is so comfortable that she can stay with friends and not worry. Thrilled that her long awaited sleepover was everything that she imagined and more. Tonight in the bath she was calling Anlei, her best friend but also added, so is Joie. Anlei is just one month older than her and Joie is 8. Trevi is the baby and she is 4. When the girls play together they all play. They don't bicker at all they just float along doing things together. Sometimes it is Lily and Anlei and sometimes Lily and Joie but there is never any friction. As for Trevi, well she usually just sticks to Jacob and calls him her Daddy. I foolishly asked her, even thought last night I promised myself I would not do this, if she missed me. She looked at me shyly and said, "No mummy, actually I forgot about you because I was having such a good time." I joked with her about it but I know that means she truly did have fun and I am so thankful to Hollis, Grace and the three girls. She did say that she thinks she missed Rosie because she accidentally called Trevi, Rosie, twice.

At bedtime tonight she was so tired that all she wanted to do was snuggle and I really made the most of it, it felt so good. She is very affectionate and I missed that, actually I just missed her. Jacob said he just felt odd not having her around, not squealing and laughing and telling Rose, No!

I think we learnt a lesson yesterday in letting go.