"I'm tired of all the questions". This was the statement that Lily made to me last night during dinner. Even though I had no idea what she was referring to I had a feeling that this was going to lead to something quite important so I replied by saying, "I can see where the questions could become rather tiring and annoying. Who is asking all these questions?"
"Kids," said Lily. "They always ask if I am Chinese and when I say I am they want to know how come I am here"
"What do you tell them?"
"I tell them that I was born in China and then my mum and dad came to get me and bring me home. And then they start asking me more questions so I tell them ,it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. (At this point she was yelling)
I ended up telling her it was fine to say that it was none of their business but that she should try and be kind when she says it. I also suggested that she just ignore them but she told me if she does that they just keep asking.
Her final statement was this: I'm just Lily, that's all, why does it matter where I was born?
And so we are entering a new chapter, one I fear is going to cause me more pain than her. Leave my little girl alone people. She truly is just Lily and the rest of the story, well it is none of your DAMNED business. Sorry the protective Mama just came out of me.
Why Do I look Different, Mom?
By Debbie Brodie.
"Why do I look different Mom?"
Lily C**e will ask one day.
How come I don't resemble
all the kids with whom I play?
My hair is inky black and straight
My skin's a different hue
So would you tell me Mom
Why I don't look like you?
You're an Oriental flower,
I'll tell my darling girl,
Your skin and hair and eyes all come
from halfway around the world.
The sun of China warmed your skin
to that exquisite shade
Your eyes are China's beauty marks
Your hair a silk cascade
The colour of the midnight sky
Unlighted by a star.
So don't think you look different dear,
you look like who you are.
18 comments:
It is something we will all face one day. I thank you for sharing your experience.
Lily is Lily and she is fab, fab, fab! You two have done a great job.
Keep smilin!
I think Lily handled it very well. I am sure I will be looking for tips when my turn comes!
It's very hard for children to deal with this, but I think she did just fine. And I think you handled explaining things to her very well. Miss Lily is going to do great, but you are right it's her story and when/if she feels like sharing then she will.
I think Lily handled that very well. and AMEN to that poem!
what a great way for Lily to response...you and Jake did a fab job teaching her how to deal with this when the time came...I am so proud of Lily (and please let her know I love that she is just Lily!! that's what makes her so extra special!!....)...
What a wise little girl you have there, Dawn. No matter what a child looks like, where they are from, how well they do in school, kids will always find something to pick on and to make a big deal of. I think your sweet girl handled herself very well. She obviously has a lot of strength. :)
I got chills from the poem.
Thank you for posting such a HONEST view into your life - and what will be our life one day.
I love that poem. We have a lot of Asian people here in our area, so I hope that our Sophia doesn't have a hard time.
I am so worried that she will feel like she doesn't belong with us because she looks different. It makes me sad already.
I am just colin,thats all.it doesn't matter where I was born.Tell Lil'Lil I love here all the way from here.loveb.b.b
Tears are welling in my eyes right now as I know we will all face this challenge that Lily is facing now. Thanks so much for sharing this! And the poem is just beautiful!
Lily is such a fantastic Lily!! Tell her to keep on keepin' on being Lily! She did a great job in handling the situation too!
Lily is one smart cookie. She handled it like a champ. I know Briana will face the questions one day - I hope she handles it as well at Lily did.
How frustrating for Lily. My heart goes out to her. I agree with the other comments, she handled it really well. Aren't you happy that you are the kind of mom that she shares this with!!! You've done a great job and I hope that my little one (to be) comes to me when something is bothering her. Thanks for sharing her story with us. :)
That is so hard, but thank you so much for posting it. I think we all need to know what our daughters will be going through. It will help to know in advance some good responses to equip our children with. I love Lily's...."I'm just Lily". How sweet is she?
I am an adult that went through this stuff as a child. I was adopted from Korea, when i was 6 months old. I lived in Iowa....very few asian kids. I got the questions all the time, and rather than push it away, I thought it was cool, because I was different.
Although, I put up a big wall around this "pride" that I had. When I got older, I did have a bit of a identity crisis...which involved me crying one day, and getting over it.
I can't take back anything my parents did in raising me, I think they did a great job. But if I had a voice in how they did raise me, I wish they would have pushed me to see some of my original heritige more.
But I agree, go LIly!
Her final answer is absolutely perfect, "I'm Lily"... I'll want to remember that as I face this with Macey one day. I think she handled it so well!
Oh Dawn, I just totally lost it with that statement "I'm just Lily..."
It is sooo true, but it won't stop all of the questions, will it?
Hugs to you, mum.
Lily IS just Lily: a fabulous, funny, sweet girl - the kids will catch on eventually and realize it doesn't really matter where she was born, they will just be happy she is here now and feel lucky to know her.
Excellent post, although i know probably not easy for you to write. I see this starting to happen with Sophia as well. She is going to preschool and several of the Mom's tell me that their kids talk about Sophia at home. Sophia on the the other hand talks about no one except her teachers. My suspicions are that the other children see she looks different but just can't figure it all out yet. ~sigh......I'm not really looking forward to this chapter but will do my best to get her through it!
I think Lily is quite the girl. She did something that was honest by telling someone it was none of their business. When she's ready to share her story, she will.
We've had this issue pop up with Erin just this past summer. I'm trying to teach her that it's alright to tell people that she doesn't want to talk with them about it. Instead she gets upset & turns to me for support. I pray she'll find her voice soon as your Lily did.
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