For a while now I have been thinking about ditching my blog. It isn't that I don't want to do it anymore but because I thought by now we would be home with Chopstick planted firmly in this nutty household. I also spend huge amounts of time on the computer when I should be doing other things. I have projects to do that I don't like doing when Lily is about cos they just are not fun for her and in some instances they are alot of fun for her but I really don't want her help.
As I have perused other blogs today I have realised that yet again, there is a common thread weaving us all together and it is that we are all getting very restless.
The wait is beyond tedious. The not knowing "when" is wearing us down. The uncertainty of this whole programme is getting to be to much to shoulder. Perhaps this is why I don't want to blog. This was after all supposed to be an adoption blog not a "hey look at this fake happy smile as we wait eternally" blog.
We are in this for the long haul. Jacob made a comment a few weeks back that scared me silly but it was just out of frustration and not that he truly does want to throw in the towel. Each mundane task is marred with a thought that I ponder, will we have to redo the paperwork again, will Lily clear her 6th birthday before she gets her new title of Big Sister, will we make yet another trip to the UK as a family of 3 instead of 4 and so on. And if one more person asks me, "why it is taking so long?" I will probably be held on assault and battery charges. I hope when they take my mug shot photo they get my good side cos after all that will probably be sent to the CCAA.
Sometimes I almost forget that we are waiting. It seems now to be something that will always be there, like my left handedness or my blue eyes. It is part of me. It's wrong. We should be skipping along all happy and starry eyed knowing that very soon our little dream will be a reality. The baby's room has gone back to being the junk drawer. All the pretty stuff is hidden by a big pile of stuff that needs to get tossed. I think I will wait to do it as there doesn't appear to be any rush.Well I will wait until my OCD gets the better of me and then I will single handedly toss the stuff.
But the blog must go on cos we have a daughter in China and Dammit, we need to bring her home.
This has nothing to do with anything but I have just looked over at my washing machine and was startled to see that my lovely white clothes are swimming in a sea of pink foam??? Sh*t.
Hunnie, if you are reading this, I for one think you will look stunning in pink wife beaters instead of your standard white ones. Oh and another thing, if you are reading this it means you are home safe and sound. The anniversary of 9-11 and you being at work today at the airport just didn't sit very well with me.
17 comments:
I hear you on the assualt and battery charge! LOL! We've been waiting for our TA for 100+ days, which I realize is nothing compared to your wait, and I have to exercise incredible self-control on a daily basis.
I understand how you are feeling. I'd miss you if you go...so I was glad to read that you are staying on. It's a tough time right now for adoption sisterhood.
I hear ya sister! Thx be for photos cause otherwise I got nothing.
Pls do not go anywhere. You and your family always make me smile and are proof that this does happen.
This third extra arm of waiting is def. getting old.
Keep smilin!
Keep on keeping on. You are not alone. And please don't stop blogging!
JMo
Could you have hit that nail anymore on the head?!?! Exactly where we are - we just renewed our homestudy and, at this rate, we will be doing it again next summer too. AND we were told today we can not even apply anymore on the Special Needs list until we clear the Review Room - so we wait.... It is SO HARD!! I am totally there with you!
Yes, you need to continue this blog! Not only because you are waiting for a sweet, little one from China, but because you currently HAVE a sweet, little (getting bigger by the day) one from China.
I would miss her (and you and Jakey) a bunch if you left bloggerland. I have come to really love your family.
I'm sorry this wait is so horrific...I'm sure it does seem unbearable at times, but you have a huge support system here. We're waiting with you.
Hugs!!!!
so glad you are not leaving the blog world. But, totally understand where you are coming from.
I'm adopting from Guatemala so I'm not exactly sure on waits for China.. But 18 mos LID, that means it should be sometime in the next 4-6 months for a match?
All the best,
A
You captured the truth in this wait so well (and the mug shot comment cracked me up).
I hope you'll stick around because I'm selfish and love your writing, and love that Lily of yours. But I know how you feel- I often think it is INSANE to imagine blogging on "The Mad Race for Macey" for 3 years (maybe chaning the name to the turtle race for macey?)...
anyway. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you.
Oh, I totally get what you are saying. I feel the EXACT same way. Sometimes it gets so monotonous....always waiting.
Still, I'm glad you're going to continue.....:-)
I could have written much of this post myself. You said so many things and it was like you were in my brain. You said it best when you talked about being used to the wait, something we shouldn't be used to. I didn't say it as well, but I hope you know what I mean.
The selfish side of me hopes you don't quit the blog. I LOVE Lily stories. The emotional basketcase waiting mother side of me COMPLETELY understands if you do.
You'll definitely have to post a picture of Jacob in a pink wife beater! :)
I too have 'gone off blogging'. I just don't have the energy to keep up with it. I don't think that I have anything to say that anyone would want to hear anymore.
I keep up with the blogs that i read, but I don't comment all the time cause...well I don't know why.
I hear what you are saying and I HATE that the 'destiny' of my life is in someone elses hands...
Yeah! I bet the wait is extremely hard. I guess with blogging all of yall that are going through this can help each other!
I was just looking at your ticker and your time is getting closer!!! You must be getting anxious for baby number 2 by now.
Kirk and I are already talking about number 2. With the rate China is going, Olivia will be 10 and well......I'll be OLD!
Deb
(Olivia's lucky mommy)
I agree that posting/reading blogs makes the wait better AND worse. It puts your focus on it, and your brain starts to spin.
Nothing wrong with taking a break if you need to.
I often wonder how you manage to keep on blogging, but I'm glad you do. I kept thinking that the one positive thing about the wait is that everyone will have more money saved once they get their child, but coming from someone saving my "China money" for the third time, I know it just gets spent on other things.
Just imagine if you didn't have the blog, there would be loads more of us forever asking "how's it going?" and loads more assault charges for you.
The other thing I think of is how Lily will have such a unique and in depth record of her childhood, long after your memory has failed! Even if you were to stop now, it has definitely had it's benefits and it's great for us "over here" to keep up to date. Thanks.
I completely understand. But it would be a pisser for me to not have that sense of humor of yours. See...I'm being selfish!
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