The Adoption Track

Our life has changed a lot in the past 6 years. We were on one track and then without warning we detoured off of that track and on to the one we were supposed to be on. It is so much nicer here, the scenery is better, the air smells sweeter and the people we surround ourselves with now are on this track too, well for the most part they are. Sometimes we still see some of the people from the old track, the ones who stayed on that course and never detoured but it is rare.

Something happens when you adopt. It is subtle at first and creeps into your life without you really being aware that it is happening but as time passes you become aware that some people "get" what you are going through and others don't. There is a prejudice towards adoption, some people still talk about it in hushed tones, similar to the way I am sure Queen Victoria probably talked about sex. If you have biological children and choose to adopt then you are considered a saint because you are saving the life of a child and if you don't have biological children and you choose to adopt then you are considered one of those poor souls who, couldn't have any of their own. Phooey to this. We all adopt for different reason. All of our reasons are personal and not really open for discussion but the general public has formed it's opinion and they know best. The adoption community "get's it" we don't have to defend ourselves when we are together. If anyone asks a question it is merely to compare adoption notes and never because they are being nosey. Our defenses never have to be up when we are together. The need to protect my children never crosses my mind because I know when I am in the company of another adoptive parent they would throw themselves in front of the bus if a question was asked just as quickly as I would for them. So you find yourself surrounded by other adoptive families. It happens, it isn't something you plan but your friends change.

Each year when Lily enters a new school year I ask her if she wants her teacher to know her story and how much of it she wants her to know. I let her guide me as I write the letter to her teacher telling her about Lily's past. I do this so that the teacher will be better equipped to handle some of the questions that may arise from some of Lily's classmates and just so she knows a little bit more about Lily and our family. This year she wanted her to know that it was OK for the kids to ask questions about why she looks different from us, she wanted her to know that we are a forever family but that she has a birth family in China. She basically told her teacher what terms and phrases were acceptable to her. I was really very proud of her. Her teachers have always been very appreciative of the extra information and as far as I know the information has been dormant.

Today as I was waiting to pick Lily up I was talking to parents that I always talk to and have done so everyday since Lily started school and one of them asked a question about Lily's adoption. I blindsided me a little as it was rather personal and I was also holding Rosie who just happens to be a human rather than an alien child even though she is adopted. I managed to fend off the question but it was all that was needed apparently to open the season for nosey questions regarding the girls start in life. The parents quipped and joked about things as if they were being cool cos they were being open about adoption and talking to a real life adopted kid and her mother. I just shook my head. Both of these parents are intelligent people and for the life of me I cannot imagine what they were thinking. I answered a few questions and then made it perfectly clear that enough was enough. I would talk with them if they had a legitimate reason for their questions but not if all they wanted to do was squirrel out as much information as possible just so that they knew it. I wondered how many other people outside the gate sit and talk about us and our family and what they tell their kids about us?

I know I cannot protect Lily and Rose forever from these type of questions and from these odd remarks but sometimes I get really tired of being a high profile family because that is not how we see ourselves. To us we are just another family, just like yours and yours. A mum and dad with a couple of kids trying to live their lives and doing what makes us happy.

We are just the average family. So we don't look like the conventional family that you learned about in school but that doesn't mean that we are not one. Adoption is quite simply just another way to build a family. The key word in that sentence is family.

I like the new track better and definitely prefer the people on it. I don't have to protect my heart when I'm around them and lets face it who really likes keeping their heart in body armour, not me and that's a fact. I think I will take out a bank loan and start a village for adoptive families, other people can come and live there too but not until there lives have been thoroughly scrutinized by the board members of the new track!