2 Years Ago

Two years ago this week we were trying very hard not to fall madly in love with Rosie. It was very hard to do because we knew the second we saw that face that she was our daughter but we didn't know how complex her medical needs were and we didn't know if we were the family for her in the eyes of the CCAA or in the eyes of our agency. To be very honest our agency suggested that we go this route so we were not concerned about them but bureaucracy is bureaucracy Our hearts kept saying yes, yes, yes, but it takes more than that when you have to answer to the CCAA .

It really is insane that you have to jump through so many hoops to adopt a child. If you choose to have a biological child no matter what your circumstance you have the green light. Rarely does anybody intervene before the child is born. Sometimes afterwards, when somethings goes atrociously wrong, someone intervenes. I don't think anybody should just be allowed to adopt as this would open up the adoption world to some really sick individuals and children need to be protected but the kind of scrutiny that we endure is insane.

Everything that there is to know about my husband and I is documented and sitting in a file on a shelf somewhere in China. Not only did we have to have local police clearances but also State and Federal clearances. Our bodies were probed for medical exams, our banks accounts were probed for financial clearances, our educations were examined, our homes were inspected, questions were asked about family members and as if this wasn't enough we had to fill out more papers and then re-do them because they all expired time and time again, and get them notarised and get birth certificates and marriage certificates and fingerprinted and get fingerprinted and get fingerprinted because apparently during the adoption process your fingerprints magically change! After you do all these things and you feel as if your life has been raped you are then at the mercy of other people to decide if you are good enough to become parents.

We had already jumped through all these hoops once with Lily and then again for baby number 2 who we thought was going to be a healthy child. Little did we know that baby number 2, Rosie as she came to be, was on a Special Needs list so we couldn't just say we wanted her we had to change our home study to have it approved for an SN child, and have our agency approve us for an SN child and then after seeking medical advice all over town, for this gorgeous little girl with her medical condition who had stolen our hearts, we then had to be re approved by the CCAA as a couple wanting to adopt an SN child.

So this time 2 years ago we were pacing, hoping, making never ending phone calls to our agency for just a tiny bit on information letting us know that she was ours and that we were in. Hadn't we been in for 2 years already at this point? Could they really change their minds now and say no? This was the most awful 2 weeks. I lost so much weight and couldn't sleep. I felt nauseous all the time. This was our daughter and she was hanging in the balance but someone else controlled her future and it wasn't us. Imagine if someone else got to make a life altering decision for you child just how it would feel.

Adoption isn't for the feint of heart. There are no accidental adoption stories. It is hard work, really really hard work but it is so worth it. Would we do it again...you better believe it, in a heartbeat. A special needs heartbeat at that!

It's very odd how the feeling's don't go away. The wait vanishes once you hold your children but the panic and the fear of the wait and the excitement of referral day, they stay with you for a very long time. Lily's referral day was July 3 2003 and I can still remember every detail of that day.