My Heart Grew

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When we made the decision to adopt Lily back in 2000 we were ready from the get go. As the 13 month wait dragged on my heart just grew and grew. By the time we finally received our referral it was love at first sight. We were both smitten, our little girl was of course the most beautiful little girl in the world, she still is to us. Fast forward to 2005 when we started the process all over again and things were different. Sure, I knew I wanted another child, sure I was ready but deep inside I had this nagging feeling of how would I ever love another child as much as I love Lily. I really didnt think I could. I talked to my sister, I talked to my friends. Some of them directly and some indirectly. Jacob, on the other hand, was ready. So on the morning that we placed all of the papers into the FedEx envelope to send them off to the agency I took a deep breathe and blew in a kiss for my my soon to be daughter, Jacob did the same. I asked him if he was nervous and he said no. So what was the matter with me? This feeling has nagged and nagged. I know I will love her but I love Lily so much that I am sure she will know. This had been going on for months when I suddenly realised that something has shifted I dont know when it happened but it happened. My heart grew! Now I feel as if I already have two children, I love them both, even the one who isnt here yet. It is strange but I already know she is mine and now I want her home and I want her home now. I can love them both, my heart has grown big enough to love them both....phew.... and let me tell you that is a huge relief cos I was sweating it! So come on China, please hurry up. I know you have rules and regulations but I have a big heart and I am ready and so is Jacob and Lily too so lets get this show on the road.